Win a six-pack of Premium Brew (or bev of choice for the AA guys)

Here is the deal. I have been, am going to be, and then most definately will be way to busy to research the TdeF this year. So here ye, here ye, whoever posts the correct (or most correct) top five places for the final GC of the TdeF wins a six pack brew of choice (or whatever bev. of choice) compliments of the nest.

Here are the rules, pretty simple-

Un (pretty fancy, eh) whoever gets it right wins.

Deux-if that doesn't happen whoever has the most in the top 5 wins (top slots holding most value) wins.

Trois-If there is a tie, whoever submits entry first wins.

Quatre-must be submitted before the start of the prolog.

Cinq- Worst entry (maillot l'orange) gets a pair of my old socks!

Six-Gotta live where I can get to you (nest is located in Salt Lake County) if you are in Idaho for example, brew might be delivered at the next Idaho Road Race I enter. ..

Sept-ONLY ONE ENTREE PER HUMANOID.

Huit-et finis, you must be 21 years old for brew, you can still enter if you're not, but you'll get Tang or Kool-aid or something.

Good luck brethren and brethettes! My bet is on Magnus Bagsted, he lost 44 kilos and climbs like a monkey now.

***IMPORTANT HORNET FLASH-If you write in as anonymous, make sure you write your name with your predictions, if not and you win, then I'm gonna donate it to my bud Pete at Pioneer Park.

Utah's own Ali and weekend action.

Only caught the 3's and pro's for the state Crit championship's but it was worth it. The Task Master (DH) had me hiding in the canyons doing a specialized brew of intervals to maximize the good. Was real happy with the test, thanks for all of your hard work Task-man, your attention to detail is always impressive.

Regarding the State Crit championships the 3's really put on a show. The Canyon Bike Boy's showed up en force and attacked from the start.. fearless leader Mike Pratt has always preached, "race smart and I want to see a lot of work from our team." Well Mike was hurting at the end, and kept on attacking, it's not always about the results, it's about the effort... good job boys and way to walk the talk Captain Mike.

Ali seen in Utah! Not the butterfly, bee man. Ali Goulet, who is just as tough and easily equal the unique character. As in the Sugarhouse Crit, this guy just puts the gas to the pedal and nails it. The front group was very impressive with Armin and Urena among others doing work. Then Ali just rips a vicious attack with 4 to go and almost makes it work. It gets better, post race Ali has a backpack to take his silver home in, and securely attached to the backpack is his extra wheels, and his camcorder and tripod. Set up so he can cool down on the bike to get home! Damn jack-of-all trades can do just about anything on a bike. I think he picked up a couple of pizza's and a liter of coke on the way home...my personal favorite is during training rides when he has the ipod attached to speakers in his jersey pockets blaring Sly and the Family Stone, as he does his best Hamar Zubeldia up Big Mountain. Big ups to you Ali, ery'one's talkin bout that one, good on ya man, real good.

Now to the Pro 1-2's. Simply stated these guys were flyin' at around MACH 10 right from the start. Somebody forgot to tell them it was HOT! A bunch of fast dudes attack until a group of the creme de la creme end up in front. Hardwood, Hoffman, Perry and Barrett. They beat the crap out of each other with P & B sandwich trying to plaster H squared to no avial. The finish was faster and hotter... read about it in Pez Cycling...

More musings-to Clint Carter way to lay it down today, and thanks for the T-Mac bracelet it means a lot to a lot of people, read more about it at Clint's Garage website and the Sly Fox Den both found in the nest. Finally to Bad MF, I really appreciate your insight and help, I look forward to giving the special potion a try, and am sure that I will be raving about it in the nest. Thanks man, it means a lot! And most finally to Guru Hanseen, you work hard to make everyone else better and are inately sincere about it. Well, there were a lot of people in the cheap seats that were pretty pumped that you were a podium dweller, karma strikes back!

Calling all you MS and Elkhorn Classic riders!

Just made my first donation for the MS ride this weekend, to a gal that works pretty diligently all the time just doing the family thing, but can bust a move on the aluminum Kona, and especially hard when the road tips up...Finally, she then will kick your ... in the gym immediately after. Most importantly she really enjoy's the ride that holds a lot of personal meaning in her life. Anyway check out the website it looks like a lot of fun, on and off the bike. These guys are going to be working overtime in 100 plus degree weather. So don't forget to drink vast quantities of your favourite coloured beverages, and keep it smooth and steady. It's very obvious they made scads of denero's for the cause, good job to all.

To my Mazda bud's and Mckone (spelled it right bra!) traveling up to the Elkhorn Classic Stage Race this weekend, lay down the law! For those of you not familiar with the race, it has really long and hard climbs on multiple stages, sounds like a good prescription for success for you guys.

For me, I'm gonna get the stinger out really early on Saturday and Sunday for a little bit of time in various canyons. Saturday, front side of South Mountain, then American Fork and back up the Mexican side of the Col de Sud (so I'm sure I'll see tuRBo representin' in the U.C. 'hood). Then Sunday, Little, followed by Mill a couple of times to keep outta da soleil. Get out early so you don't burn off the antennae in the sun. Anyway if you want to hook up, let me know, if not the Canyon Bike Boy's will be riding this weekend out of Canyon Bicycles in Draper, they usually leave at 9am both days, but that could change with the Nigerian like weather we have. It's definately worth it to go with the C.B.B.'s, and when else can you ride with the "Claw" up close and personal without paying. The shop's phone number is 576-8844 to inquire.

Cheers,

Hornet.

Derailleur, Shmerilluer, who needs a rear one!

If you missed the high Unitas, don't next year. Here are a few of the things you may have missed that were pretty rad.

To all familiar with the Evanston downtown crit, it was the same tried and true course going up the steep divided hill, then cornering fast three times before the finish area totaling 1.3 miles for the circuit. There was a nasty wind in the home stretch and up the hill making it hard.

It wasn't hard enough for Bryson Perry. He kinda felt like, what the hell, lets make it even harder- so he broke his rear derailleur. Rendering him only his 34 X 11 and 52 x 11. So what does the man wearing white do? He tells Sandy, hey Sandros get to the front, control the pace and let me go, "cause I can't do this stop and go stuff, I only have two $#%^&*! gears man. Sandy says "horray for beer, no prob, can do." So Bryson goes, and goes and goes, it was really bizarre watching him hold off the group while going really fast into the wind turning this moster der Kaiser TT gear, head and body corked into the wind. He did this from about lap 2 or 3 for the next 15. The "Red Demon," Ben D'Hulst makes a valliant effort to bridge for several laps mimicking Bryson's technique only to come a bit short. Then Louder and Swindlehurst go nuts, catch Bryson with about 2 or 3 to go,and even after the huge effort with the single speed two-ringer, Bryson is right in the sprint out. HOLY COW that was amazing. Bryson hope you ate a lot of pizza bra, because you certainly earned it. You get your name in the Hornet Hall of Fame for that one. Great job!

Hardman- Hardman had AJ working his tail off to set him up- keeping the pace high. So what does DH do, he comes around the corner in first postion with the strong men on his wheels going into the heafty wind waiting to counter, only the task master creates a gap and gets 4th. That was sheer determination, that he simply wasn't gonna let anyone past. Donna gave him a big dad day hug for that one. Way to go!

Several dudes really wanted the TT. We had the "crazy goods" there in Louder, the only sub 20 min. into a heavy wind, and Swindlehurst who lit it up. Then the local bad boys Sandy, Norm etc. who were pretty close. Then we had a couple of old guys from Canyon that wanted to let everyone know, "hey don't put us in pine box 8ft deep yet man!"

Let's talk about Stormin, saw him after my last of 12 nature breaks at the porta's (Hornet likes coffee and Red Bull before the TT to get a buzz on (pun intended). So anyway Norm just starts WWF'ing me, he was so pumped. The little guy looked like the punisher, almost dislodged my stinger. Anyway it was awesome to see. He then lit it up and moved from 14th to 4th overall going into the crit. Outstanding Norm!

Here is where Claw comes in. Claw was sitting well going in on the GC, but had a couple of things happen the day before. So he decides that this was going to be his race. No drafting, no attacks just sheer watts to the pedals. He gets up, puts the serious mask on his face, focuses like he is doing some seriously dangerous atom splitting, does his secret weapon warm up, then lays it down for the 45+ win. It's one thing to say it, its another to do it.

Finally Dr Jon G. shows up for the 35+ fest. He has had some time constraint issues with road race training yet has scored two top 5 this year with some serious competition. His gig is the TT. He has the Power Cranks the Velotron, the Velotron with the Power Cranks, he has the O2 tent and probably has a wind tunnel (if not, he will soon). Ok maybe I exaggerated a bit. Anyway, we had lot's of TT guys- let's see anyone know M.S. (Mark Schaeffer)? How 'bout Louie Amelburu (two national TT champs), Scott Allen, Gary Porter, Zan Treasure (another national champ), John Mckone (probably a national champ, if not he should just go back this year, the way he is riding) Kris Henthorn, and a bunch of out of staters from Boston, Arkansas, Wyoming, Nevada, New Mexico) you get the picture. Dr Jon wastes eryone of 'em for the win and in impression fashion, I know I got to see him from behind.

So next year, show up, race and who know's you might lay down the law!

Spencer had to be Sherlock with the Tarmac

I got to spend 2.5 hours at Canyon Bicycles in Draper last night as Sherlock and MacGyver (Dave) had to do some serious Freudian analysis on my carbon stallion. Fortunately, the bicycle whisperer's are pretty sharp and patient, or I could have had some serious problems on the climb/descent this weekend. See if you savvy racehards can figure this caper out-

After replacing a worn out chain I-

Did climbing intervals up Little Cottonwood with high and low revs (loading the drive train on the low ones). No problems with shifting between the 17 to 23 in the 39.

After a fast and bumpy descent that shook my dentures out and my toupe off, I hit the flats and shifted from the 53 to the 39 in my 15. I went two revs (with the chain on the the little ring) and my cog set didn't engage, therefore spinning uselessly without moving me forward, I shifted twice up to the 17 and the cogset engaged. This happened again a mile down the road when I went from a higher load to an easier load. I stopped, got of my bike, and the chain was inplace on the cogset and little ring. Got back on, and no problems for the next 25 minutes of steady riding in an easy gear.

Went to the shop where they first adjusted the rear derailleur again, I spun in he parking lot and under load, it did the same spin thing without engaging the cogset and it wasn't catching a cog or two sometimes when shifting. So we replaced the cogset and readjusted. Under load in the parking lot, the same thing happened again. So we thought ok free hub, replaced that, and it got worse under load.

This is when the aaha occured, and the bulb's really went off for Sherlock and MacGyver, 'cause I was stumped. Can you figure this out? They did. One more hint. I ride a 2007 Specialized Tarmac SL factory spec'ed. Big ups to the guys at Canyon they really know the figizzle.

-Good luck with this, I know someone will get it

Hornet.

Hornet found some honey this morning.

Simple, fine, and sweet- let me 'splain it...

Lord of Intervals had me doing short, hard and repetitive climbing intervals last night. Soooooo, this morning I was ready for the recovery commute ride to work, and it was perfect.

The dish-

1. Cold enough to be slightly chilled to start, but not produce sweat (I think my kit became cleaner during the ride, go figure?)
2. Slow enough to spin effortlessly.
3. Sweet enough, with clear blue skies, zero wind and empty streets. (Yeah, in June when school is out, commuting can be the total 'nads).
4. Found two brand new 10 speed dura-ace cogsets boxed on the road.
5. Passed the Utah Jazz dancers on their morning run, and one offered to take me out for breakfast after she washed and lubed... my bike.

Ok, I made the last two up...

Today was that day. Just simple, fine and sweeeeeet!

She Should have had the rat knock her scorching hot coffee on her!

McDonald's to pay student $290 for rat bite
Mon Jun 11, 8:47 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - The world's largest restaurant chain, McDonald's Corp., has been ordered to pay a student some 2,200 yuan ($290) after a rat bit her at one of its outlets in northeastern China, media reported on Sunday.

A local court in Shenyang city in Liaoning province ordered the payment -- covering costs that included $130 for psychological injury -- for the incident last year, the China Merchant Morning Post said. In the states $130 would have covered a shrink for an hour. In my experience it takes at least 300 hrs of extensive counseling for this type of psychological terror- the ghost of the late Johnnie C.

The woman, whose name was not disclosed, said a rat had climbed up her leg and bit her on the thigh while she was eating a meal at the restaurant. The woman had sought 20,000 yuan (about $2,600) in compensation. She said the incident caused her to become frightened by white mice and rabbits. Ok she gets the $130 deducted for this lame statement, in fact she owes Mickey D's a couple of Hamiltons- Judge Judie

McDonald's rejected other demands raised by the student, including follow-up medical charges and other fees, saying she lacked proof. Bullies! That's it! Give her back at least a fifty for being meanies- J. Buttafucco.

The court ruled that McDonald's was responsible for maintaining proper hygiene at its restaurants, in line with relevant hygiene standards of China, and should compensate the woman for failing to protect customer safety. Aka- keep all rodents behind the pay counter from now in an Empire local, or pay the really, really steep fine of $290 US dollars -that'll show 'em. Who was the lame attorney representing this poor kid. We need our resident legal analyst to chime in on this one, J.I.

If this guy is going for the sprint out, get out of the way!

Here is one that our reporter extrodinaire M.S. found.

Unbelievable!! Man, what guts this guy has!!! MASTERCARD WEDDING You've got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at ClemsonUniversity. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new Father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "%$^&!" Then he turned to his bride and said, "%$^&!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over$32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of churchbells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless"commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion:$3,000 deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui:$8,500. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man:Priceless There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!

Comment from the Hornet... he turned to crowd and said "I'm outta here." That's legendary like Eastwood's "well do ya feel lucky punk" or Arnold Schwarzenegger's "hasta la vista baby." In fact, he could have used both of these quips in his final remarks to his best man and wife...er ex-wife.

Sugar House Crit

There is racing and then there is something more. Here is the more.

Lets start with big kudo's to some savvy, talented master's riders who are not only tuff, but exude a lot of class. Don Armstrong (Mazda) and Mark Skarpohl (Cole Sport). This is going to be the loudest of all buzzes from the Hornet regarding any race at the S-House. Here is how I understand it (please note that Hornets aren't known for scoring high on the SAT's).

Armstrong goes with Skarpohl on an attack off of the front of the pack. Skarpohl has a couple of teammates and Armstrong has an "Armada of Orange" in the main pack. So, Armstrong tells Skarpohl right off the bat, "you are going to pull and I won't contest first if you make it." Skarpohl digs it and says "Horray for Beer". They tool around (fast) for several laps to the end.

Here is when it gets pretty damn cool. Armstrong sits up at the last hill before the finish, true to his word. Skarpohl then sits up too and says "come on"- this guy is a gamer! He implores Armstrong to sprint while almost coming to a stop. Armstrong won't have anything of it, and obviously would rather have the field run him down and lose second, than reneg on a deal-(D.A. was all poker face and not about to look back to the dudes breathing down his back for his rightful second) - A true show of sportsmanship from both gentleman.

Big, big up's to both these dudes. That's what I'm talkin 'bout!

Awe-ight, more good stuff. The 1-2's put on a show. It was really broken up. J.L. was off the front pulling with some heavy hitters on his wheel. J.L. basically put 5-10 seconds on the 2 chasers every lap who were (strong men Sandros and Bryson) which has gotta be pretty hard to do. Norm TTed off of the main pack for 45 minutes in deep space 9 and held 'em off the entire way for 16th (that was yomen work from the kid who gained a lot of respect from the spec's) . More... Curly went nuts pulling off, then pulling the main group then pulling off again to hold off the group at the line- pretty cool.

Lastly, just a comment- Mr. Barrett is so wicked low on his bike he can lick the ground, and he is like 8 foot 10. He receives the honorary Arrow Award. To put a bit of perspective to this-I'm about 1 foot 9 on a 28cm bike and my hands are up near his eyeballs... in my drops!

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere).

Flying around the web recently I found this post. In an effort to educate my fellow cyclista's, here are some def's to keep you def.

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to! stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

The Hornet

The Ballistic Hornet is in the House!

Bzzzzzz!