The Ballistic Hornet

I'm going on a Sabbatical

2008-05-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

What this blog has meant to me...

1. It was a nice way to show the appreciation to my fellow teammates and competitors.
2. It was a way to have fun.
3. It was a way to keep in touch with old and new buds.

Racing has evolved for me recently, I simply want to just go out and represent well and be there for the team, if I reach the podium that's cool, if not, and I helped the team then that's cool too- it really doesn't matter... for those of you who know me well, it serves much more important purposes which I have come to appreciate in way's I'm just starting to comprehend... and furthermore, at the end of the day- I really, really like the community of racers (and bloggers). To everyone out there racing, officiating, commentating, organizing, or just sociallizing, big thanks from me to you...sincerely.

Schaeffer last year told me after Wolf Creek that "winning the race didn't really mean that much." He was looking at the Nationals (which he took). He wasn't just talking, because I know that he was putting in 400 miles a week, obviously not a way to stay fresh... recently he told me he "just wants the race to go hard" and if it doesn't he will go hard... I couldn't have said it better... to reiterate, I really like the competition and just going all out... if I do well- great, if my teammates do well even better and if I get schooled by some random unknown dude who has been on a racing sabbatical (aka Jeff Rauch) even better... because the way I look at it, that is what it's all about... you don't really race against anyone else, you compete against yourself in this sport, you are really competing with yourself, and wherever the chips lie after the race, its written and stamped... and after the race maybe you have gained some more respect and developed it for another rider.

I really enjoy racing and announcing... it's a hard sport, but a pretty simple one also, if you love it hard, it will love you back- don't, and you will reap the consequences of your lack of preparation... anyway, that is all I have to say within the Nest until the sabbatical is over. Most of all, I am thankful for all of the friendships gained, and I look forward to the next hard race for sure...

Cheers,

Hornet

For you mom!

2008-05-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have never posted a pic of myself on this blog... but I'm going to break that one time for mom... she is awesome to say the least... My step dad, Mr Z (who is pretty cool in his own right) and mom are going to come out and visit me and the grandkindred when I do the live radio updates from the road on ESPN and KFAN for the Tour of Utah in August (thanks again T-Mac!)... so here is an action shot last week taken by non-other than P-Man, notice how well matched the outfit is with the Nest's background... for affect... it was planned!?!

If you want to see more, larger photo's of the Championships click on P-man's website at and just click on the pics for enlargement
http://picasaweb.google.com/canyonteam/UtahCriteriumChampionships2008

State Crit Champ-een-chips!

2008-05-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Had an opportunity to announce the State's... and I am glad I did...

Hey- Kevin Rad-man-inski did the first few races, then we tag teamed the womens pro event and Masters 45+ and finally I went solo for the last few races... Kevin is one super funny dude... in my next life I'm gonna go to whatever college the Rad-man attends fo' sure... at times I couldn't do commentary I was laughing so much...

First off the pro ladies... and they put on a great show... fireworks ery'where... Park City had the numero's so they did what they should... attacked the bejusus out of the group... Kirsten, Nisie, Tiffany...ect time and time again...the Ski Utah gals hung really tough... Laura Howat was not to be denied, she covered at least the first 15 attacks single handedly... and Laura Patten did a great job in the next group getting hit by the Parkies... in the end Nisie blasted it, but Pizz-gal helped out off of the back and both were DQ'ed... there was no doubt that they thought it was a legal move doing it infront of the judges... now we all know that it isn't that was unfortunate... any way the Kot-adian took it with Howatinater in second... great race by all the ladies... and we did notice the the yomen's like efforts of Intermountain trying valiently to bring it back the entire race... anybody that missed this race really missed out on a good one... thanks for the show!

Next Master's 45+

The first half of this crit can be stated in these two words... Manitoba Missle... that's right Louis Riel did his thing and TT'ed off the front forever... which made Mr Mckone, Mr Armstrong Mr Schaeffer, Mr Worsoki, Mr Adams and others work. When they finally caught him Team Canyon Bikes Draper sent others to attack immediately... in the end Mckone (who rode one of the smartest, coolest races I have seen) took it over a fired up Gary Swain who had a last minute mechanical... these guys hammered all day with all the big names taking turns digging it out in the front including Steve "Chop's" Lewis' one last effort... Another great race with a ton of action...

Masters 35+

This is a pretty simple one... Scott Martin likes deep space 9. Because, that's all he did was do his best impression off the Manitoba Missle... only Scott Allen was gun slingin on his tail 90% of the time for the first 1/2 of the race, then other smaller attacks occured, but nothing stuck... Mckone drove a lot more in the race, as did other 45's on the second race like "the Killer" Steve Worsoki, who may be small but will drill it at the front relentlessly and Glen "Damnhesfast" Adams... The Hanseen was on form taking a big flyer off the front toward the end, yet still garnered the 3 spot after Stan "the man" Price and the victor Mr. Best who had a mad sprint in the end to finish the job...

Cat 3's

The Cat 3's race was a lot different ... about 15 of them were strong enough to make the break, then they raced somewhat conservatively... choosing to use more tactics in the last few laps to see just who's got it in the sprint. (Which typically this year has several riders contesting pretty closely) Schofield who has been riding really strong did a good portion of work as well as others... good to see Clint Eastwoodarter back... he went on a long solo but didn't have the legs to sustain after the time off... my bet was on A.O. but his teammate Mr. O'Leary pulled it off over another second place finish of the day for Gary "Gimmiesomemore" Swain... O'leary was impressive especially after doing a lot of work the last few laps and then still pull it off...

Men's 1-2's

Big field with big guns... a lot of smiling until Gary started it... then bam... as in Peter-sack! Chris just went to the front and drove it for laps... riders were strung out over 150 meters... eventually he took a breather only to do it over again! The typical players from the typical teams took there digs to no avail, only a few riders dropped off but many were suffering... then a big pile up resulted in the yellow flag mid way through the race for a few laps... Gary and I let the pack know in advance when racing would resume at the start line- (which was hillarious) ery'one had their poker faces on, just chatting and laughing away and as soon as the first wheel crossed that line--instantanously not a peep to be heard and pedals to the metal! Finally a group with Pietrzak, Hoffman teammate Perry, Mr Lille and Barrett with teammate Ben D'Hulst got away and had over a 20 second gap to the chasers... Contender and FFKR took hard turns trying to get them back all the way to the end, which they might have been able to pull off if the Turbo didn't launch with one lap to go... that was quite ballsie to say the least- with those dudes chasing... anyway he held it for the trophie with Pietrzak closing it hard coming in just behind for a well earned second, after doing a ton of work, that dude is crazy strong right now... of note- whatever R.B. pays Big Ben it's not enough... as written in his blog... Ben did a ton of work to bridge a lot of attacks, drive a few to then only periously hold on for dear life, then do it time and again... Big Ben has arrived... and he may even get more aero than R.B. (being that they are both a combined 13 feet tall and probably tipping the scales south of 3 bills...

L8ter...

There's an old saying in cycling...

2008-04-29T08:36:00.001-07:00

it's all in the head baby, it's the way you look at it...

Sorry M.M. but everyone knows the new 3's, 6's and 9's are smokin'!

East Canyon

2008-04-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

First things first... this is only a race... I need to put this one in perspective because it still burns... in the past few weeks we have seen guys go down hard with injuries that will side line them for a while. As well as other serious health issues that have hit a local cycling icon, and another's child... that is what really matters... Godspeed in a fast recovery to each.

Frustation, with a capital F... that's it in a nutshell- cut to one simple turnaround... at the turnaround... legs fresh, able and ready, I got boxed to the inside as the 35's and 45's merged into one big cluster... a group of about eight 35's got out and drilled it to grande gapage, while a few of us were trying to negotiate through the 45 pack... to which a violent effort off of the 45's (which isn't easy with Schaeffer and Armstrong pushing the pace) then to continue on with long hard pulls couldn't quite get us back on the train... game over but, not without a fight...

The highlight was, by launching off the front of the 45's to chase down the ocho amigo's, we got to ride next to Louis " Cancellera's bro separted at birth" Riel for a bit...he was TTing off the front of the 45's forever (every one was cheering him on as we checked out the 56X9 he was pushing into the headwind), also got to play cat and mouse with some of the 45+ chasers who ended up trying to bring back the lead group, lead out by Mr. Shaeffer, Zimbelman and the Claw, who were none other than Armstrong and the "Good Doctor" Longe... read on for the fun stuff...

At one point on the last flat section me and my Mazda Posse where side by side with Armstrong and the Doc, two synchronized pace lines one 35+ and one 45+... tyring desperately to bring back each lead group respectively, hoping we might catch on, if they end up doing the 1k dosey-do infront of us... the funny thing is one of the dropped 35+ riders who we caught (no name will be mentioned) decided that the rules didn't apply to him and was sucking wheel to the 45+ wheel chase group of Armstrong and Doc, like a hungry calf suckling momma's teet when we caught them... only to continue doing so even though Doc was telling him to stop time and again... and on top of this, we were watching him in amazement separated horizontally by two feet to the left... it gets better, if we passed the 45's he would suck our wheels and vice versa, switching back and forth... at the end, after I did long pull number 107, wheelsucker went flying by me to take the line, fortunately Porterlicious passed him... cuz I certainly couldn't, being that I spent my last bullet 30 pulls before... the entire episode was kind of sureal, like "hey guys I"m cheating, see! Check it out-and just wait until I pip you at the line"... I guess if you choose to ride like that, it's best to do it with gusto and gleen pride in a job well done! Compared to the turn around fiasco this really didn't matter that much to me, and to a certain extent it was kind of entertaining, it broke the monotany for sure, but I will say this... is it really worth it for 8th or 9th or whatever position? In the big scheme of things it's simply not that important, and it's certainly a quick way not to be invited to Lagoon for the next birthday bash with chocolate cake and noise makers...

Oh well, but I did really get to see two great races from just about every vantage point througout the race, I might not ever get to see that again... it was I was watching all the action on the tele with a beer in hand, of course minus the beer...

Be safe out there...

2008-04-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

This should help, but it's not very aero...

This guy actually made this for his daughter for her prom dress...

The psych and pfizz of cycling...

2008-04-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

Great job to Ski Utah, Jeremy Smith and the officials for a great race... The TT was really rad with those crazy roller coasters...

Hope Mr Garage is fairing well, he's tough, when I rode by he had blood all over him yet was walking around I wasn't sure if it was real, since I was somewhat delerious at that point... apparently the Hoov did a literal flip over him, yet he and his bike were ok to continue on but Mr Polka Dot had a knee the size of a grapefruit, get well fast my man...

The plan was to put someone out on a break on Stagio uno with 15 miles left, that guy wasn't me. But, within seconds at mile 2 into the race it just seemed right, so I figured I would be the sacrificial lamb for the sake of the team... I pegged it to a HR of 175+ and unfortunately had to keep it there for the entire race to keep my speed up enough to hold off the pack... So this was new, I have been on breaks that have stuck with 2 or 3 guys, but none solo... my expectations weren't high to say the least... so I tried not to think (which I am rather good at I'm told) and just focused on running through inspirational race stuff in my head, like Cooke, Schaeffer, Riel, Porter,Treasure and the Skarpohl sticking long solo attacks in races I was in... that's it, nothing more, keep it simple... and big thanks to all the officials, for their support at each turn around telling me I could do it, and P-man, Hoov and the rest of the team for the cheers, these little things kept me going for sure... my body rebelled after 58 or 59 miles, teammates Andre and Scott caught me at 3k to go and pulled me to 1k until I told them to go hard, because I couldn't hang on any longer and we were only 45 seconds ahead of the field... afterwards I felt like I got hit by a truck, a big truck... I knew I blew my load and wondered how I was ever going to do a TT feeling like this in a few hours.

All my teammates and friends were great and did everything they could to work on my brain, with Scottie finally throwing me the comment of the year right before I took off on the roller coaster, and it worked, I prob did the best I could considering...

Stage 3 we had numbers on our side, and we used it... I was on a break with Chuck from Wyoming and did no work because I didn't want to overtake my teammates for the GC. So the whole time I just tried to keep him motivated letting him know that he could stick it and I would'nt contest him that guy has a lot of heart for sure... Well Mark Larson who was a horse, and Hanseen (we'll get back to him later) reeled him in with a great effort with one lap to go... then Scott attacked right off the front several times, Mark had more in his tank and attacked a couple of times, Andre then attacked hard, and I being fresh attacked for longer digs several times , always with Hanseen locked on... we could not break Hanseen, he was so super catlike fast catching any and all accelerations, more so than anyone else... at 1k to go I went hard to the outside, Hanseen had to work to reel me in and did with 900m to go, I kept on surging, Hanseen was right there, then Andre and Scott squeeked by with Hanseen on their wheels... I gotta tell you Hanseen was a beast, he would not break and was there at the end contesting, what a total stud.

and that is what I am talking about, when everybody brings their "A" game they motivate and raise the expectations of the group, individuals raise their game more, the group gets better as a whole and more competitive outside our little area. For me this race was a lot more in the head than in the body, and I can thank all the aforementioned guys before and during this race for the inspiration to perserve and improve... thanks, cause in the end it's really just you against you regardless of whatever circumstance you find yourself in...so to Hanseen, that's my cycling take on Zeitgeist...

Marek

2008-04-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I called the UCA Crit number yesterday and Nicole, Marek's wife answered.

Most racers probably know by now that Marek had a stroke. Man that hits home. I mean he is not old, and he is certainly not out of shape, and I don't see him chain smokin' Camel unfiltered cig's at the crits... so what gives?

Marek may not know this, but I owe a lot to him. I decided last year that I would like to try announcing Cyclo-Cross and Sadaharaohran said "give it a shot." I showed up for my first gig at RMR and Marek already had the C flight going. He had the mic, was announcing alone and needless to say was awesome... I, on the other hand, was just a tad bit better than stupendouly horrible. But, he kept on jumping in and giving me tips... by the end of the day I was alright... Not once did he even remotely make me feel like the chump I was, he just kept on adding great commentary that was pretty damn entertaining.

This year, it appears as if, not only with the crits, but also for the TT's, we are gaining even more momentum with larger fields in comparison to years past. Pretty impressive when you consider the weather hasn't really co-operated... No doubt Marek's guiding hand has had a lot to do with it. He's a pretty even keeled dude who has his act together to make sure the races go smoothly from start to finish. This is due to not only his enthusiasm for the sport, but also his keen business acumen.

At this time Marek's physical recovery is going quite well and has even made it out of SICU back to his casa on the bench. Nicole told me that he does enjoy visitor's and it will definately help speed his recovery. So let's all give back a little bit to a guy that helps make our training a lot more enjoyable...

So the Hornet is raising a full necked ice cold Grolsch for you brother Shon, I will visit early next week. And even more importanly you should know that everyone I have spoken to, all have you in their prayer's for a speedy and full recovery. We want to see your smiling face again soon, and I need you to hold me back at the TT's to keep my start legal, my track stands are lame at best!!!

Godspeed.

No it's not Johnny Damon

2008-04-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

File this under "Creative Opportunistic Marketing Techniques"

2008-03-27T08:13:00.001-07:00

This one's for you Rico!

2008-03-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

Team Rico eats up the whole 'cross enchilada... in fact he not only eat's it up, he sleep's and dream's about it. One of his favorite things is the whole cowbell armada that shows up week to week to cheer the combatants on. Well here is the official "Cowbell Lady"... we'll see if we can get Matt Sadaharaoh-ran to enlist her.

Maybe Rico can find out where she got her hat, for Mrs Team Rico to dawn at races (and everywhere else) for that matter...got a feeling if she gets one, there may be a lot more little Team Rico's in the future...if ya know what I mean... don't get too exited Eric, hope you have a shower at Specialized so you can take a long cold one brother...

Bunnies that I dig

2008-03-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

It got me!

2008-03-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

It got my Em, it got my Ben, it came back and got 'em twice, it got the neighborhood... it got a lot of my vet's... but it didn't get me... it tried and it tried but no way... until last Wednesday, boom the nasty virus hit me like a runaway train I tell ya.

The doc said I probably had it longer, by the looks of it... worst sinus infection swelling up the nares she has ever seen, came post viral splurge of headaches and fun... oh yeah, on my way to the doc's office, opened up my sunglasses (had since college) and bang! The glasses split in two over the nose piece has I was placing the shades on my face, and yes, you guessed it! The sharpe shard of plastic hit me square in the right eye. I thought I got shot by 007! It scared the bejesus out of me... Needless to say I got a big gash across my cornea, BAM! Have 20- somethin' bad vision in my unlucky eye, but it should heal just fine by the weekend, gotta go back to bed... later... I'll try not to rip off my ear tonight. I must've really ticked off St. Pat last year...

Finally, directions that make sense

2008-03-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

Reprinted from the Onion...

WASHINGTON, DC—Decrying needlessly confusing directions for the use and assembly of countless products, citizens across the nation are organizing advocacy groups to demand that American manufacturers simplify the instructions they place on packaging.

Above: A new and improved Kellogg's cereal box featuring clearer instructions.

"I'm a busy father of three," said Richard Graham of Chester, VA. "I don't have time to wade through all those words and confusing pictures on the box of flavored instant-oatmeal packets. Why can't I just get the bowl of hot oatmeal without going through so much trouble?" On behalf of dissatisfied consumers like Graham, the Washington-based activist group Citizens for Easier Instructions has delivered an ultimatum to corporations: Replace current directions with easier versions or face a consumer boycott.

"We demand that product manufacturers provide their customers with intuitive, easy-to-follow directions featuring larger pictures, color coding, shorter words, and no words at all where a letter, number or pictograph would suffice," CEI director Melanie Pruitt said Tuesday at a press conference kicking off the group's "Crusade For Clarity '99" campaign. "For too long, the people of America have stared blankly at monochromatic, densely printed lines of instructions on cans, bottles and boxes, straining to digest the elaborately worded directives. We say, 'no more.'"
Pruitt, who nets a six-figure salary as one of the country's top instruction-clarity advocates, then unveiled a large placard showing the multi-step instructions on a can of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli. "The first instruction, 'Empty contents into saucepan,' is only the first problem with this mind-bogglingly byzantine label," Pruitt said. "No clue is offered on how to retrieve these 'contents' from the hard, silvery shell surrounding them. In fact, our research staff has determined that a tool not included with the can is necessary." Moving further along the label, Pruitt noted additional directions which would pose comprehension problems for the average consumer: "'Stir occasionally until hot,' the label instructs. How often is 'occasionally'? If I only prepare ravioli 'occasionally,' should I not stir at all?"

Perhaps the label's most confusing factor, Pruitt said, was the existence of two separate series of instructions, depending on the heating device used. "The already-baffling 'Stir occasionally until hot' is not even properly identified as the final instruction in the stove-top-specific set of instructions before the text flows right into the second set, making the cook think that the next step in the preparation process is 'Microwave,'" Pruitt said. "The second set of instructions is even more paradoxical, demanding such tasks as, 'Stir once during heating,' despite the fact that the food product is heated in a microwave which ceases to function if it is opened to get at the food."

To avoid a consumer boycott, Pruitt recommended that the maker of Chef Boyardee print the words, "Requires can opener, saucepan, stove and electrical power" on the front of every label in large letters, and present the instructions in the form of pictographs showing a gender-neutral stick figure traveling sequentially through all the steps of preparation, from opening the can to emptying the product into the saucepan, all through the cooking process, transferring the contents from the saucepan to a serving dish, and finally consuming the food using appropriate utensils. "We believe the entire process can be rendered in as few as 22 pictographs, which could be large enough to be easily read if printed on the inside of the label," Pruitt said. "All that would be needed is an exterior instruction directing the preparer to remove the label and read the full, interior instruction set."

"Corporations that fail to respond to the changing needs of Americans will lose customers," she added. "We as a people no longer have the time or patience to read lines of text and struggle to decipher their meaning."

Manufacturer Procter & Gamble has already announced it will soon introduce new "EZ 2 Follow" instructions that will clearly spell out "even the simplest and most obvious of operations." The redesigned Old Spice aftershave lotion bottle, company representative Albert Conrad said, will feature explicit instructions regarding where and how to apply the lotion, as well as warnings not to drink Old Spice or use it as a marinade in cooking. Sheets included in other Procter & Gamble products will warn against eating Crisco straight from the can, squirting Vicks NyQuil into one's eyes, or re-using Tampax products. Many other corporations have already made moves toward similar changes based on the overwhelming number of questions and complaints they receive at their 800 numbers every day.

"I used to answer 30 to 40 calls a day from people asking what 'Apply liberally' meant," said Carla Enway, an operator for Coppertone. "My job has been a lot easier since we changed the bottle to read, "Spread a whole bunch all over everything but your eyes and mouth."

Hey it's Hainey in about 50 years...

2008-03-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

Local hardman Lee Hainey has a big beard too, and rips it on the bicyclette, but he's just a young'un, wait till he grows up like this dude who retired when he was 97, got bored and went back to work at 99... and he has 17 kids!!! Man, if I had 17 kids I would have had a coronary at about the 11th one... here's the full tilt- read on...

Wed Mar 5, 11:47 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Already Britain's oldest employee, 101-year-old Buster Martin now aims to become the world's oldest marathon runner by completing the London Marathon and celebrating with a pint of beer and a cigarette.

Sprightly and bearded, he completed a half marathon at the weekend in five hours 13 minutes. The former Army physical training instructor works three days a week for a London plumbing firm and says he has trained for the April 13th race in his spare time. "I've said I'll attempt it," he told Reuters by telephone from his workplace at Pimlico Plumbers. "I haven't said I'll complete it. If I do make it, all the better. I hadn't thought of doing it before but someone asked me and the money goes to charity so why not?"

His sponsorship money will go to the Rhys Daniels Trust, which provides temporary accommodation for families of patients in specialist children's hospitals. Martin, who had 17 children and returned to work at the age of 99 saying he was bored after two years of retirement, would beat the previous record for world's oldest marathon runner by eight years."If I finish, I'll do what I always do and have a pint and a fag," he said. "People ask what is my secret but I haven't got one. They say fags and booze are bad for you -- but I'm still here, aren't I?"

(Reporting by Peter Apps, editing by Paul Casciato)

Ed note- key words kids- fags and booze, so I guess if you smoke, drink and use cool British slang, then you too will be running marathons when you are triple digits...

Help!

2008-03-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

Don't know if I will make the crit this weekend, I am having a bit of trouble boarding my flight back from Nigeria...

Oh yeah, get a load out of the Airline "Blue Sky Aviation," I think not! It's more like Brown Hot Landing Strip Goin' Nowhere For A Spell Air... and worse yet the third one in keeps on eyeing me and he looks a tad hungry... I'm going to blast him with my CO2 cartridge if he comes at me (the Man Vs Wild dude has nothing on this Hornet)

Two days-two Hall of Famer's

2008-03-05T09:42:00.001-08:00

Bart Gillespie, has a sweet write up on him in VeloNews, just follow this link http://www.velonews.com/article/73012/gillespie-emmett-win-intermountain-cup-opener

If you are one of the few who doesn't know Bart, here is the down and dirty...

He goes 140lbs and puts out the watts of a race horse.
He trains on his way to work and back, which he does throughout the year.
He trains himself on feel, without the use of a HR monitor or wattage meter.
He works full time at the VA Medical Center and treats the Vet's like he would treat his mother.
He also teaches at the U.
He is wicked awesome in all aspects of riding, cross, mt and road.
He ripped to a 7th last year at the cross nat's when placed in a back row to start.
He doesn't require any food or sleep (for you Sly).

And to top it off, as mentioned, he just had another nice spread in VeloNews for winning the Desert Rampage, way to go, and also to local Kathy Sherwin, 2nd place Women Pro's.... others represented well also, too many to mention, but two Canyon Boy's Scott Allen first in 30+ expert and Curt "gottabehip" Bates 2nd in Expert 40+....

Everyone raise a brew for Bart-mang, the 40hr+ working man's version of a nationally elite rider... To the Hornet Hall of Fame you go...

Bryson Perry is R.A.D.D.

2008-03-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

Bryson rode with the team on Saturday. Bryson was one of the anchor's for Sienna last year. He has split off to form the R.A.D.D. racing team. Some of the crew are the recently pared-down G-Love, Mr Red Sox, Cameron "wheresHoffa-man," Mitch "Icantcallhimcopperanymore" Peterson and some fast dude from Mexico that lives in So-Cal.

R.A.D.D. stands for Racers Against Drugs & Doping, undoubtedly most appropriate on several fronts. The team was established to do more national races, which Bryson did a couple years back when he was with the Successful Living team.

Anyway, to put it mildly, Bryson showed so much class on Saturday with me personally, that not only am I a grande fanno now, but I'm placing him in the the Hornet Hall of Fame for his extrodinary unsolisited efforts to help another rider... Bryson is a great cyclist no doubt, but he's an even better person. Kudo's, also go out to teammates Andre the Giant, Coop, P-man the Claw and the rest of the Canyon Boy's for a worthy effort as well as the Porc crew for bringing it during the swell end of the day road fest...

Ed note- called Gardie while in Sadonna, and conveyed my thoughts about Bryson, and they were reiterated 10 fold, then asked the G-man about his weight loss "man I've got to try to keep up with these guys who are 15 years younger than me"... so the new Action Jackson is now a whooping 155lbs, my bet he'll be sub 150 by the end of the season, cause he's still got that excess mass in the pectoral region to drop...

You can be green, fiscally sound and patriotic, introducing the USS New York

2008-03-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

Here SHE is, The USS New York (LPD 21), made from the World Trade Center ! The USS New York was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the WorldTrade Center. It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft. Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite , LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003 , 'those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence,' recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. 'It was a spiritual moment for everybody there.' Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the 'hair on my neck stood up.' 'It had a big meaning to it for all of us,' he said. 'They knocked us down, they can't keep us down. We're going to be back.' The ship's motto? 'Never Forget.'

Huge Relief, Swet and friends...

2008-02-29T11:36:00.001-08:00

Wednesday was a great day, got out with my girl "Huge Relief" for the first time this year... Was pretty stoked on having a great team ride in 60 degree weather on Saturday, now it looks like snow, but I am locked and loaded! My good bud, Swet from Iceland (in pic) just shipped me the new 8 cylinder Icemaner Sno-blaster 1250, it gets 16mpg...

Swet is smokin fast, he was the '06 Icelandic Icelocross national champ (a hybrid of cyclocross) with modified tires and bicyclette, see pic below...

His mechanic Pletrak "the Plad" (above) has this machine greased lighting aero... really "strumkedad" (stomping), just look at those beefy titanium hubs with the varied front boot wheel for grip and the lighter "sneek" back wheel for full on throttle... and it's even Chuck (Taylor) pedal ready, damn!... Notice the large panier on the back (thats to hold large slabs of meat) for longer races... no need to frigerate in the grand blanche nord...

Another little known fact with regard to Swet's sucess, he gets motopaced by the famous Gertrk Vklllommtkrrz or (G-Vkl as per his groupies)...that's him- below pic... this guy is 81 and is sub 4% body fat, just look at that ripped chest, notice where his shoulders connect to his upper arms, it forms two bat like wing triangles, that no doubt, has got to keep the wind focused over the "wings" to keep him grounded when at high speeds... kind of like a spoiler on a car... no wonder why he is generally considered one of the best motopacers around (Rock Racing wants him bad) that's of course, when he gets out of the clink for public nudity...

And give him a break, he's not completely nude! He's got his helmet and goggles on for safety, and is donning his wedding band (so the young ladies won't come callin'), I don't know how his wife Fridreeek puts up with him. Although he is a mans-man... Iceland's version of Charles Bronson, I say!

(ed note- Pletrak denies all allegations brought on by Mavik that he had inside information regarding their front boot wheel technology... and has the design dynamics and San Diego wind tunnel test notes to contest any allegations of such)

Papa's got a new bag

2008-02-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

I've got a new ride, uncle Bob (in pic) just delivered it... I can fit a couple of lasses (or one really big'un) on the back of this bad boy... course real men don't use training wheels, what's up with that? And it run's on moonshine... so I figure I got that goin' for me... ' cause I do try to go bio-fuels whenever possible...

I saw it three months ago on the internets and Bob picked it up for me last week in Kentucky. I'm so happy I could just spit, parties at my house!

When Performance Enhancers Go Wrong, Way Wrong!

2008-02-14T12:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines day

I think now that Heff is an Octagenarian he may need to tighten up his annual eye exams... Chandi (the one in the center) has the serious full-on Z-man woodsman's facial hair growth look goin' on... hope she isn't on tap for the Mitchell MLB Steroid Investigation... She kind of looks like the cycling version of Johnny Damon!

One!

2008-02-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

One, uno, ein... whatever...

One used to be good, as in you're number one! But, one can also be bad, in fact horrendous.

Gee, here's a wee example- win 18 games straight and lead with 35 seconds left of the last and most important game... THAT'S 1159 MINUTES 25 SECONDS OF UNDEFEATED... only to lose. Nothing against the G-men, they played inspired ball, made the big plays and frankly out-coached "the coach"... man, I used to like the number one, but when you add it to 18 with a black dash inbetween, it doesn't quite have the same affect.... 35 SECONDS, ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! What is this the Yankee's - Sox circa "78. Is Eli's middle name "Bucky?"

What's goin' on? I'll never hit my quota!

2008-02-01T09:43:00.001-08:00

The waitress at this diner deserves a big tip...

The Question

2008-01-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

From time to time I am asked "will you go on a blind date"... to which I refer to my last one, which occured a few years back...

It started here...

and it ended about here...

'nough said?

Od to Camp George

2008-01-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

Did the 6th annual Canyon Bicycle Team Camp last week. It was pretty cool.

Several things stick out, Mike Pratt's generosity, Mark Miller's connections with excellent accomodations, good and plentiful nurishment... and of course the Claw's commitment to the team with the overall "oganization of motivation," the cool new guys on the team, Andre, Coop, Gary, Piotr, Sten-Q, and Tom, as well as the local vocal support wherever we rode, and of course how many CB'ers were already race ready for the serious accumulated efforts and milage, NIIIICCCCEEEEE...

I don't know who ordered the weather, but the luck of the Irish was on us (probably Hoov), we hit the window between the storms and had weather in the high 40's and low 50's, with a lot of sunshine.

Pratt had the new Benz limo in full display, man that thing is smooth as silk, and the post ride extra-cirricular's were even better!!! Here's to riding hard, the rockin' Elks and the slammin' Oasis... getting 3 hours of sleep with da true gamers... Mike, Rob, Andre, Gary, Tony, Karen, Zack and the fam...grass stains, push ups, low riding (I think I feel a breeze) and friendly locals... next time we will have to improve our card skills a tad... but our beverage consumption, and dance floor bow skills were on fo' sure.

To Mike, Claw and Mark, way to go amigo's, and to the rest of the team... thanks you guys (and our lovely national champ)...you are Hoover awesome!

Georgie rules!

2008-01-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

The Sandy Spin Queen just submitted this into the nest, I liked it so much I posted it, hope you like it too!

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff "you" want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili... Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his tail will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the weanie. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge weanie!

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN! number , pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your tail. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Bob

2008-01-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

My friend Bob has no luck whatsoever, poor guy... read on mi amigo's...

Bob is a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family biz. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.' Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

ed note- las amiga's are mucho better at estate planning than los amigo's!

B-Horn

P-man called me out- so here are my five thangs

2008-01-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

Cinco things you didn't know about me.

1. I am an illegal immigrant from New Hampshire

2. I am on the witness protection program, and serve as the organization's live spokesman for media relations.

3. I wear a toupe... on my chest.

4. I was once told to go out for indoor track... so I did of course, relying on pure talent without any training or coaching. My first race was in the bubble at UNH. I ran the 800 meters by sprinting the first 400 at 100% and dusting the field by 50 meters, then I subsequently hit the wall soon after, and got passed by the entire field as I jogged (more like flogged) the last 200 meters- to the roar of the crowd, my teammates and coaches.

5. I won the annual URI Air Band Competition with my buds by impersonating Dale Bozzio (the femme fatal blonde lead singer) of Missing Persons infront of a crowd of 2,500 **while wearing a mini shirt, stilleto pumps a blond wig, lots of paint and some well placed inserts (see Dale below) and at http://www.dalebozzio.org/dalecontents.html ... for two years after I heard, hey you were the guy...

Miss Julie would have been jealous of me fo' sure!

2008

2008-01-03T08:28:00.001-08:00

New years resolutions that I think I can keep.

1. Bathe

2. Dry off

3. Shave

at least monthly...

I've got a feeling I can put these babies to task... most of the time. Oh yeah, and brush my tooth's, both of 'em! That's about it, I don't want to stress myself out like last year, when I committed to trying to think on a daily basis.

2007-12-24T12:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Holiday's Ery'one!

Nice concept.

2007-12-19T08:43:00.000-08:00

My friend Abby turned me on to this website yesterday. http://www.freerice.com/

Here is the breakdown- You go onto the site and it gives you a word with four possible definitions. You try to choose the correct def. For each correct answer 20 grains of rice are purchased by the sponsors of the website to go toward the needy via the United Nations World Food Program. You can play as many times as you like and there is a counter to let you know how many grains of rice you have generated for donation each time you play.

It's pretty cool. Yesterday I got on a couple of times, had some fun and earned over a thousand grains of rice. And now I feel wicked smart.... maybe not... my kids thought it was pretty cool (and probably better for them the Guitar Hero 2).

L8'er

B-Horn

Score!

2007-12-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

Had more fun last Saturday hangin with my newly appointed fashion consultant. She steered me right and hooked me up with J. G. who is a local clothing designer at the B.C. which is his funky clothing shop.

There is now an official "Ballistic Hornet" winter jacket. Being that it is my X-mas present it can't be donned until Dec 25th.

The specs- It's long and warm- in fact it's made out of airplane seat material. That's right, I think it's the seat base pattern for NordAir. It is actually fire retardant and may be used as a floatation device. So, I figure I got that going for me... and it's got the bling factor with an embroidered steely Hornet with checkered flag racing wings that is ready to sting on it's sleeve, A big B on the left side of the chest, and even a symbolic honeycomb pattern to conceptualize the Nest!

It is my special superhero cape like thang... I noticed right off the bat that when I put it on, I definately ran faster and jumped higher... a lot higher!

Save the best for the last!

2007-12-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

Saturday was AWESOME! Cold, with a lot of snow and mud, yet warm enough to make slop. But just because the conditions were prime doesn't mean the racing would be equal. In these conditions you need hardcores willing to put in an old fashioned yeoman's effort. In fact the racing wasn't ok, or good, the racing was exceptional. In every category, each rider brought his/her A-game and made this day of racing the best of an already phenominal season of cross racing. The Men's A race took the cake... please read the various blogs for the inside scoops, here is how this outsider saw it...

First off, the one and only "Sly and the family" Fox showed up donned as Santa going to the beach... so you kind of knew things were gonna heat up.

As far as the Men's A race, let's use the analogy that Bartmang is the '08 Patriots, and the rest of the field wants to knock him off. So what are the other NFL teams doing, they are attacking the Pat's all the time throwing everything they have at 'em. Enter, and here is a new one for ya folks- Street-Ali-fighter" Goulet. From the gun he went ballistic (you know I dig it when I pull out the B-word). He took charge of the race much like Bart has done race after race... Bart hung on to his wheel for a while, and it looked like he was ok. But, the "Alifighter" kept on attacking on the narliest corners creating just a bit of distance. Ali is a mudder, no doubt about it. When you consider how ninja Bart's skills are, to be in a position to one-up-him at any aspect, is worthy to the max. So here is where Ali changed the whole dynamic of the race, he saw Bart falter ever so slightly on the turn leading up the hill near the start and drilled it. Eventually getting more than 1/2 a minute on Bart and then sustained it (ed note-I know Viagra ad ha, ha). Ali looked like a bounty hunter chasing down a bail jumper, focused- would be an understatement. Well the difference between Bart and the Patriots, is that the Pat's only play one team at a time. Bart was going to feel the heat from a group of bad men with worse intentions.

This is where the sharks smell blood, and it was impressive how smart the tactics were. Reed Wycoff knew that Bart had teammates around him, so he had no choice but to drill it hard to try to chase Bart down which he did with A-Train riding roughshot,not about to help... Team Rico was not far behind with Gallagher right there not sure whether to conserve for the Nat's as planned or take a great opportunity as it presented... and Mitchell Peterson who started off toward the back only to heat up and start picking off groups in front of him. Each dude playing his cards to only his/his team advantage.

So, here is how it went from that point-Rico is just off the 2nd chase group of 3 lead by the Gallagher who is now putting the gas on Wycoff and A-Train, lap after lap. Ali is gapping Bart Big time and the three chasers somehow catch up with Bart! Bam! With Rico right there in the mix after a huge effort just dangeling behind... WHAT a race!!! Then it appeared as if Wycoff was losing a bit of steam after his gargantuan effort chasing Bart down, Art was somewhat rested, potentially ready for an attack... as was Gallagher who was probably in the best postition with Bart and Team Rico having done a lot of work soloing...so basically really good stuff at that point... with it being unclear who had the goods, and who was spent in that group of 4, with Ali in command. At that point these guys were smelling blood and were going after Bart en- masse. After a few laps Bart apparently recovered and made his move, no-one could hold his wheel and he was going after Ali, only to make up a second or two per lap at first... but then on the stretch next to the pond, Ali's pace got instantly slower yet his rpms were still up. This was not good for him, while Bart kept steady in a bigger gear and made up 15 seconds the first lap and caught Ali with a 3/4 of a lap to go on the last lap. We could see the move by Bart has it happened, at it's onset with ONLY two laps to go, but never did we think that he could catch Ali in that time span. Now the hunter was being hunted! Bart kept his Tom Brady composure throughout the entire race but especially in the waining minutes of the 4th quarter- with the game on the line, he rode steady and DID IT! Bart caught Socks! No one could believe it!!! Then it got even better, Ali would not let Bart pass, they attacked each other like boxers in the midst of a draw in the 15th round, punching and countering relentlessly... did Ali save enough? Did Bart expend too much reeling him in? Until finally, it was answered with 1/2 lap to go Ali's rubber band broke. Bart took 1st, Ali with a valient 2nd... A-Train was riding his A-game solidly in third, but had yet another mechanical... and walked the course to the finish, calmly with his bike in hand. Then came Rico and Gallagher (Rico has had his share of mechanicals this year) around the last muddy corner they were nose to nose and Rico outsprinted the G-man at the line... for 3rd and 4th respectively... I thought it was the damn Preakness with those two. Then came the lunch pale man, blue collar worker of the day, yes Reed "Whycough?" who lead the chase to catch Bart for the majority of the race getting a well earned 5th...

Everyone looked like coal miners after, mud all over their bodies, faces, teeth, ears etc... and freezing. Ali was holed up in the Ridleymobile, as he got his verbal high fives from everyone including Bartmang.

Post race notes- Ali apparantely hit the wall at 50 minutes and got tunnel vision. Bart let his guard down just a bit during the race (he won't do that again) and the rest of the field dug very, very deep to make him pay... Gallagher and A-Train are looking good and definatley on excellent form for the Nat's (good luck gents) and Team Rico pulled off the podium after refusing several long solo efforts to bridge forward. Probably the best race I have ever seen, bar none!!!

Thanks to Matt O, Jon G, Steve the Patriot, Steve the Flahoot, Ellie and Gardie for making my rookie season fantastic. To my team and sponsor Mikelo Prattini and Canyon Bicycles for their interest and support, and all of the sponsors. But especially to all of the riders who rode their tails off all year, and never gave up. You guys were truely inspiring and motivational both on and off of the bikes to me... at a time when I really needed it! You guys have lifted my spirits big time in the last few months, and I can't wait till next year! Lets make next year even bigger and better (if that's possible!)... Look forward to seeing ery'one at the awards banquet...

Sincerely,

B-Horn

Way to think inside the box!

2007-12-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

Being that my brain is the size of a good sized pebble. I dig when you humans use your's... Below is a picture of typical shipping containers that are used for imports into this country. It's too expensive to ship them back to Asia, so they sit. LSS (long story short)-Dudes figured out that they can re-use these for modular homes.

One company Lot-ek makes each shipping container with all the modern stuff, plumbing, appliances, air, storage etc. self contained. You can order what you want with respect to rooms (See Below) Here is the outside...

This is the kitchen...

And here is the bedroom...

They are portable for the nomad in all of us... when you go, just move it, or if you want to store it while you travel the globe you do this (below)... Hey those are my two on the top!

If you look around some companies make them custom for you however you want it, in fact some just look like regular homes and other's are way upscale and big.

Anyway for an ave 2000 sqft (3bd/2ba) they start between 99k to 129k and go up from there... imagine the applications world wide (Katrina, alternative to Habitat for Humanity etc, etc, etc) let alone the enviro friendly stuff. So pack it up and pack it away... cool stuff fo' sure! I wonder if they make'em in Nest like dwellings?

Couldn't ride today!

2007-12-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

Took the Hornjet to South Africa today in an effort to get some good road training in... unfortunately we encountered this...

So we went surfing instead... see ya this weekend... I hope, surfs up...

This is what it is all about!

2007-12-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is Nathan Greeneisen (from now on will be known as LGH "Little Green Hornet") he races with the young'uns... snow was not going to stop him! He wore his ski helmet and goggles...

He has some awesome support, and if you look closely in the background (to the upper right side), you will see Scott Allen riding with his son Sam also!

That's right he wore his ski helmet and goggles. These dudes (ettes) are very, very rad... it makes announcing a lot of fun. And kudo's to the parents of the these crossers (crossents) as well as all of the sig others that make it happen... I have seen neighbors come down to support, as well as other racers helping parents out with the race spawn, when it is their go time...and that's what it IS all about brethren and sistarista's!

So raise one up for the LGH group and their support... and by the way the L.G.H can give a pretty mean post race interview. (And thanks to Wasmund) for posting the pic's here at this site http://www.pbase.com/swasmund/cx112407

B-Horn

Cross weather was Cross.

2007-12-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

If you didn't cross, or watch cross this weekend you really missed out... here is a pic from the north side of the course where it dips under the power lines going eastbound with A-Train posing pre-race...

Great job to everyone being safe, no-one got electrocuted... except for G-Love post race when he got shocked disconnecting the speaker, which then dropped on my head... feel kinda bad for the speaker... thanks for everyone who fishtailed and dumped only to get back up and do it again... mucho time-o's... and to the awesome Oktoberfestive beverage drinkin' fans... I truely felt like I was in the bleachers near the frozen tundra of Lambeau field...good stuff...

B-Horn

See you at Wheeler this weekend

2007-11-29T07:48:00.000-08:00

This is what true crossers look forward to all year, good weather... it should be kinda like this tooling up the hill... and don't forget your crampons...

Gardie and I will be dressed like those two world renowned cyclocross announcers from Greenland- Jdackt and Vrimbar the Vikings...they ARE our IDOLS! G-love wants to be Vrimbar on the right, in fact he has a bedspread just like Vrimbars coat at his pad in P.C....and I've heard an awesome man thong to match!

See ya there,

B-Horn

What a weekend!

2007-11-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

Simply put- onehellavaweekend!

Met the legend of Sly Fox at cross... his blog is obviously the naddiest and he's even more coolio in person... Gardie and Miss Julie had a few good stories about him... and for some reason, I think there are probably a lot more stories out there about the dude.

The weather turned out to be awesome and the crowds for the first 1/2 of the races were mucho grande... some of the junior riders are absolutely a riot to watch... one dude was on a trials bike with pegs, and when he saw the crowd on the back side, would proceed to rip out at like 150 rpms... and get this- his knees were up near his chest.... goes to show-bike position is so over-rated.

The course was fast and everyone was flying through the back side at like MACH 8...

Got to take my girlfriend "Huge Relief" for a long ride and the Pat's squeeked out another win...

A weekend just doesn't get better than that...

L8er

2007 State Cross! Championships

2007-11-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

Gotta tell ya, it was a lot of fun, I was exhausted after a day of announcing, but it was worth it, fortunately I work with the legend of G-Love, which makes it even that much better... here are some observations if you missed some of the races...

Men's A's- Bartmang G just let it rip from the beginning to take another title... he told G-Love before the race that he would need to keep it under control because he was going to the C Rica the next day.... pretty much looked like he was on form, for sure... Bryson "think I'll race for Canyon Bikes today" Perry solidified second spot not long into the race, and kept on trying to drill it, in an effort to reel in the mang'er to no avail, but big kudo's for the effort... Hardwood flew in from Cali at 4am Pac time to drill 3rd overall and take the 35+ A group, only to stagger off after the race like he was in a brawl with Mike Tyson, once again, another cyclocrosser delivering the goods on championship weekend regardless of the circumstances... to round out the top 5 we had Copper Peterson and Reed Wycoffifyouhaverobitussin with a never say die attitude, good on ya...

and...Ali "socks" Goulet who had a mechanical right off the bat and was sitting dead last, probably in a different zip code for the first few laps, to lay it down and catch 1/2 of the field... he ended up being one of the studs of the day...

Womens A's- The Sherwin took control early and stayed in deep space, there was a fight for the podium postions with Dr Kris Cross spinning away to second holding off T Pezz pushing a really big gear and eating up about 10 meters per stroke with Deuter Time not far behind, this was a great race with the womenfolk flying... and the Mistress did it with her Catholic School mini then had the energy to get the whip out (see real pics at the bottom of this blog in the SL Trib webblog... it's pretty cool)

Men's A 35+- once again Hardwood took it with Jonny "Give me more work" Gallagher taking a hard earned second after setting up the course and doing a ton of work all day, to round out the podium AJ Air Jordan, who crashed multiple times, looked painful, but he still finished while flashing the pearls... ed.note.- A-Train was ripping it up until all at once he pulled the plug... read in his blog he felt horrible and couldn't overcome it... prediction the Train will be on new high speed tracks next year, watch for him to be back in a big way, (I'm just one of many Art fans out there, no doubt).

Men's 45+- was a race with McWin taking charge from the gun and to Mc Win it a Mcgain, but it wasn't an easy ride for him, he looked like he was fighting the big lactic acid build... Killer Warsoki took second looking like he caught the virus from McWin and rounding out the top 3, yes the ever classy Chuck "Tom" Collins...

Juniors 15-18- will promote the law firm of Swenson, Lasky, Matthews and Cottle pretty quickly, look for all of these dudes in the future, they are all greased lightning greenies... Congrats on a great race that Mr Jackson and I really enjoyed covering...

Men's B's- Connor O'Leary wears a lot of sunscreen on his face... probably because he's Irish... the 1/2 pound of the white stuff doesn't do three things- 1. Slow him down. 2. Make him less cool, and 3. Do him any good, 'cause he goes so fast the sunlight can't catch him! Coming in second was the Hoove who did his best impression of a Spanish climber up every hill with Kelly Glenn of Contender rounding out the 3 spot.

Womens B's- had Jennie "in the house" Wade churnin' and burnin' to create a decent gap on hard charging Heather Gilbert and Christy "Casius" Clay... side note, I had to run up next to Christy to ask her what her name was because we wanted to announce her postions, a couple fans asked me if I was interviewing her while she was racing... I told them that "I was asking her what her HR and Watts were at the time"... I think they thought I was serious... big ups to Mother Theresa for making the trip all the way from the Cape de Cod to race... and do pretty well at that.

Men's 35+ B's- the story was simply Scott Allen showing up for the first time and carting Micholo Pratini around the course, lap after lap... only at the end to have both guys trying to push the other across the line first... Micholo was not going to let Scallen do all the work and not win... that is why I really dig my teammates, because they are... great crossmanship boys, that is what a team is all about...

Masters 55+- Roger "I am also a winning" Gillespie held off the Lew brothers for first...

Singlespeed- was absolutely one of the very best races... Jason "Sammy" Sagar (yeah, like the front man of Van-Halen) showed us why he IS the man... then Alex Rock shows up from nowhere with his gasoline suit on... yes, his gasoline suit (there is an old Pete Rose saying "love the sport hard and it will love you back... I would go through Hell in a gasoline suit to play"...well that is what the Rockstar did, and he would not be denied for the two spot and fought hard for the gold to no avail... this guy is lethal when locked and loaded and stormed through the race harder with each lap, Gardie and I went nuts! I heard Alex may go to the EU next year to race, I hope he does! Jess "the body" Dear was Revolutionary getting 3rd...

Men's C's -was a huge field and everyone went hard.. Mike "I'm not" Walkenhorst took another one, he will be upgrading quickly...

Junior boys 14 and under had another big field with 14 bikes that were loaned out by Canyon Bicycles of Draper... it was Curtis, Hoover and Duncan in that order.

and finally the Junior Girls had a good showing with Chelsey Layer rippin it up for the top spot.

Thanks to all the fans including one Marty Jemison showing his support... here is a really cool link from the SL Tribune Blog regarding the race with pics... and yes thats our own Stephen Chops Lewis commentating, he is quite articulate...good job man!

http://166.70.44.68/multimedia/2007/1110_cyclocross/index.html

B-Horn

Be there!

2007-11-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

The Utah State Cyclocross Championships are this weekend at Wheeler Farm... I'm pretty sure that all the 'crossers will be there.... here is a shout out to all the rest of the roadies... be there to cheer these guys and gals on... they work their tails off and it's a lot of fun.

Bring the kids, fam, sig others and even your arch-enemies, but don't forget the cowbells! Here are two pic's to motivate you.

A pre cyclocross version of a dude we all know, and a hardcore psychocross version of what happens when you get the bug (hornet's use that term loosely)...

Before...

And after...

Hardwood has definately gotten stronger but I like the original uniform a lot more than the current team kit... nice belt!

Look forward to seeing you there...

B-Horn

Don't die, because this could happen to your loved ones!

2007-11-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

*A lady died in January (2006), Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, it was then somewhere around $60.00.*A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here was the exchange:

*Family Member:* "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

*Family Member:* "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

* Citibank:* "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

*Family Member:* "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

*Citibank:* "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

*Family Member:* "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

*Citibank:* "Excuse me?"

*Family Member:* "Did you just get what I was telling you? The part about her being dead?"

*Citibank:* "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

*Supervisor gets on the phone:

*Family Member:* " I'm calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed, late fees and charges still apply."

*Family Member:* "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

*Citibank:* (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"

*Family Member:* "No, I'm her great nephew."(Lawyer info given)

*Citibank:* "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

*Family Member:* "Sure."(Fax number is given)

*After they get the fax:*Citibank:* "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." ('cause Citibank clients don't die, every knows that! B.H.)

*Family Member:* "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care." (nice work F.M.)

*Citibank:* "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

*Family Member:* "Would you like her new billing address?"

*Citibank:* "That might help."

* Family Member:* " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

*Citibank:* "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

*Family Member:* "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Wow, sounds like we may need to get some info out to the troops manning the lines Citi!

B-Horn

Lance and Ashley, what?

2007-11-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

Do, da, do, da, dum, dum, dum... hey maybe I'll text one of the Olsen twins and see if they might want to hook up, they're hotties... dum, dum, dum, dum... let's see which one is which... I like this one, Ashley huh... ok here goes... why am I nervous, I am Lance, how can she say no... dum, do dum, dum...

"Hey, Mary Kate... you are never going to believe this... Lance Armstrong just texted me and wants to hook up and hang in Manhattan tonight... I'm gonna go for it, I knew these sunglasses would make me look older, I'm glad I got you a pair too, I told you they would work! Hey, maybe Tiger Woods would go out with you, he's so cute... oh yeah he's married, hum, lets see who's available"... dum, dum, dum dum...

and that's how it all began...

B-Horn

I have a new girlfriend.

2007-10-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

She's a red head, she's fast and has nice wheels. When I ask her to go, her only response is "how fast and how far." I think I love her! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been getting to know her better...

B-Horn

Cross rocks "part trois"

2007-10-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

Our local Samurai is a rubber burnin' lactic acid buildin' blue collar workin' never say die crosser...Sunday's race he bridged, then pulled and attacked...multiple times...Gardie and I thought it was the nads...

Anyway he writes some really detailed stuff about cross within his most recent post found here-http://slc-samurai.blogspot.com/2007/10/thing-about-cross-aka-cx-part-ii.html http://slc-samurai.blogspot.com/2007/10/thing-about-cross-aka-cx-part-ii.html and if thats not enough go back a bit to his 24 Hours of Moab commentary, the Nose Dive, WTH!

Enjoy, and of course as hardcore cross-dude Team Rico would say,"just go cross!"

B-Horn

Cross rocks "part deux"

2007-10-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

We have a new rider in town Mother Theresa from Mass-a-choo-setts. I think she shared some really impressive insights to why different people do cross and why its cool. So check out her blog at http://www.newbieontheblock.blogspot.com or in the Nest its located under Mass Appeal.

I think MT brings some good stuff to the table so lets eat! This is how the Hornet sees cross from an outsiders viewpoint.

The young juniors- these guys are fun. Bottom line they get separated, go hard and generally like the cool attention they get over the speakers. Every lap each one will look over, some will send a one handed point and others provide the "look-no-hands-ma" classic pose. It get's better after the race with the raffle, that's where the bike skills really come in handy. But, the best part is to interview the pups on mic regarding the tough spots on the course, it's worth it to make a few minutes early to the venue, just to hear this crack analysis.

The Men's C's and Women's B's- you have every kind of rider here. Fast ones in great shape, brand new to the technicalities of cross, and the vice versa crowd, as well as every kind of rider inbetween. This makes these races pretty interesting because placings are up in the air for a lot of postions, especially being that there are lots of groups. Sometimes you will see racers good too hard at first and pop, or more often than not, bridge groups each lap from almost nowhere. If you are in the Mens C's Please make sure you check in early, and if you are a new registrant, please, please come over to the announcing booth so we can match your name with your number. Last week the powerful Men's C's Not Listed Squad dominated, kicked tail, and garnered one-half of the top spots! We really want to yell your name loudly over the airways, so help us out.

Junior's 15-18- wow this is like watching whippets chase tennis balls in Central Park. No fear, fast and are willing to go down in corners at anytime, but usually don't. The trend this year seems to be Mitch Peterson look and ride alikes.

Masters 35+ B's- once again a different type of race. This race will sometimes have a cluster of 3-5 riders in the very front for the majority of the race only to break off at the end, or one by ones at the front end with small groups chasing. Often times with mechanicals, crashes and lead or postition changes, because a good number of racers have a chance... and are burying it. We really try to give insight to lead changes here.

Singlespeed- what the what? Like cyclocross isn't hard enough, lets give them one, uno freekin' gear. Hunh? Whatever. Problem is most of these guys are like thoroughbreds running the Preakness. Warp speeders who generally go pretty solo. So really its a TT in the cold and mud... with one gear! What next boys and girls singlespeed unicycles...backwards...in the dark!

Masters 35+A's- ditto on the 35+ B's, but a bit faster with a few more team tactics. These are savvy experienced cross riders who are going to play a chess game out on the course... the only problem is, most of the time they are redlining while they are trying to think. These guys don't go down much, but when they do... its hard.

Mens and womens A's- Simply three groups- fast, seriously fast and sick fast with superhuman bike skills. Generally, one gets the hole shot and blows up the field the rest chase sometimes in small groups. This results in a few changes from the start, especially near the end... but other times the top 5 can be separated by 5 to 30 seconds or more from lap one throughout.

More fun! Yeah, be Stevechops Lewis, the e-Flynn, Mike Pratini or the rest who decide to do more than one race, usually back to back. It's hard to pull off two top tens, but it is done.

The bottom line is cross is a riot, a real cool thing to bring the fam and friends to. Some racers will kill themselves to win, others will do so just to see what they can do, yet some work hard and smile more, 'cause they're just having a ball. While everyone is cheering, slamming cow bells or just delerious post-race, but most of the time with a grin (just watch Miss Julie, Hardwood or Team Rico) race and you'll know what I mean. Stevechops will even give you high fives mid race.

Lastly, again...please read Mother T's Oct 21st and 22nd blog entries, for the reasons why she digs the local cross-ings... I could have written my thoughts, but why when she articulates it so well.

Peace out,

B-Horn

Cyclo- Cross is mucho funno!

2007-10-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

Announced Cross for the second time yesterday, the first was with the Marek... and yesterday with G-Love. Both days were a gas.

Working with Marek is like being on an ESPN7 cyclocross set. He has all of the sayings of an A-list broadcaster. Aka "cool as the other side of the pillow" sort of stuff, and he runs around like Sandy Perrins on crack... let alone the creative names he comes up with for certain parts of the course. I needed his help, my first race at RMR was the men's C's, which if I self graded my performance on a scale of 1-10, I would venture to guess that I was pretty close to a minus 14. But, after that it came together a bit better and was a BLAST!

G-Love (aka Luscious Jackson) is simply legendary at the task. Before, during and after races a ton of people come by to say hi and check in with the man. Yesterday, was a double whammy because we are both from the Boston area and big Sox fans (how else do you think I got the gig) so we, (ok, I) talked Sox trash throughout the race. I really look forward toward working with Gardie again, he made it really enjoyable.

Saw T-Mac at the UCA awards fest, and he announced on Saturday, so man, we have the Big Dawg of the Tour de Utah rolling out the commentary, sweet. So I guess what I'm sayin' is I'm a pretty lucky guy....go figure, those three are like Ramirez, Ortiz and Lowell, sorry I digress...11-2...sorry, three straight...whoops!

Matt Ohran, Jon Gallagher and the crew really do a great job with the setting up the courses, general organization, officiating and scoring, basically the whole enchilada. And lastly, all the sponsors donating a lot of time, support and cool stuff. If you have some spawn that want to play cross, bring 'em out, Canyon Bicycles of Draper will set em up on a loaner cross bike to see if Cross is for them, if it's not they don't supply violins, sorry.

Note from the Nest- Bob Walker went down at the barrier section yesterday, where he broke his leg... Dr. Kris was right there attending to him... and yeah he rode his bike to the car! Best wishes Bobchops for a speedy recovery, everyone will miss you man!

I am really impressed with the whole show, thanks for letting me be part of it. My goal now is to screw up less and less each race, I know- big aspirations. Anyway, up next, comments about Cross at the RMR on 10/13 and Wheeler on 10/21...

Out,

B-Horn

Put the telemarketers out to pasture!

2007-10-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

Again some great info from Sean "the cell-mate" Hoover...

REMINDER...12 days from today, all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls........YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS. To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222 . (You must call on the phone that you want registered- this will not work from another number) It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time.. It blocks your number for five (5) years.

Help others by passing this on to friends and the family members you actually like (sorry I added that part) It only takes about 20 seconds, (or the time it takes for Hardwood to down a Kiev-again I took liberty)

Thanks Sean, and if you let 10 friends know about this you will have good Karma for the rest of the year!

B-Horn

What do you think?

2007-09-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

I want to promote an epic bike ride in the next year or two in the Salt Lake Valley that can't be duplicated anywhere near a major metropolitan area... Why you ask? Please read on-

Nicholas Negropante is a man that has a big goal and refuses to be told he can't accomplish it. He is the founder of a non-profit organization called One Laptop Per Child http://www.xogiving.org/ His goal- to provide a laptop to every child that needs one in Africa. He met with the leaders of three African Nations to tell them that he wanted to produce a very cost attractive computer to accomplish his goal. One leader in particular shared her (rather large concerns) like-

We lack sufficient energy resources- can you make it super energy efficient, that will require low wattage?- Answer from N.N.- "sure!"
These will be going to kids, can you make it extremely durable- Answer from N.N.- "sure."
Can you make it solar powered?.."sure."
Can you make it really sensitive to local hot spots? ..."sure."
Can you make it so it is impervious to severe heat..."sure."
Since they will be used outside can you make them glare resistant?... "sure."

(paraphrasing) "in fact I'll make it cool looking with neat software for music and a couple of interactive games, and make it e-book extraordinaire. Oh yeah, and my goal is to produce them for $100 US dollars each."

So, Nicholas went back to his production plant in Cambridge MA and had his team work it up... and now... it is rated very highly for its indestructibility, and might be one of the most sensitive units out there for hot spots... it is solar powered, is super energy efficient, is really cool looking, is bake tested in ovens to 140 degrees F, and has the cool software stuff he mentioned to her... Right now it's price point is $188 because of lack of production, but they may be able to produce this in the near future (based on volume) for get this, da, da, da, da... $50!

Now he needs governments, companies, organizations and individuals to donate $$$. He is offering a one and one special. You buy one for $399 dollars and one is donated AND shipped to an African child. Your purchase is tax deductible,so it is really just about $288 (based on your tax bracket).

Here is my idea (I would like everyone who reads this blog to let me know what they think, please!)

I want to establish an truly epic ride. It will be called the Daniel "Popa" Santoro Tribute ride for African Children.

It will encompass six Salt Lake Canyons, 16,000 vertical feet and run 130 miles...It will start in Draper, go up the North Side of Traverse Ridge to the Stop sign and back down then up and down Little, Big, Mill (to the gate), Emigration and City, ending at the top with a party...

This could be done (before) in conjunction with Lotoja as a training ride, it also would be invaluable to those training for the Everest Challenge. As you know everyone and there brothers asks this question to every cyclist around "did you do LOTOJA?"... now they may say... "did you do Popa's?" We are the only city, possibly anywhere, that has the canyons to do it, and the population of riders to make this ride a true great!

It gets better, like the MS ride we will ask for donations, all proceeds going to One Laptop Per Child, and we could even pick a sister African Township of say 3,000 school age children to try to meet the goal of supplying them all! Individual certificates go out to all who completed at least one canyon, this could be incentive each year to do more canyons, obviously promoting a more healthy lifestyle for the typical citizen riders. Each year we could pick another sister township and so on... It also makes us, as cyclist's, more human to non-cyclists in the community... when we do something truly altruistic like this. I'm really charged about this one, I realize the challenges, but whatever, look at what Nick did... he's the hero here.

Thanks for your time reading this, so what do you think?

B-Horn

Tour de Mizz

2007-09-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

The V had cov of the TdM and it was cool to see the props that not only Louder got in the "Beer" KOM Jersey, but also for the Z-man and Burke... "who they call T-Bird."

and what a crash in the final sprint out... that was definately an "agony of defeat" clip, yet the dude got back on his bike and finished... man he deserved points in the "most industructable" category...

Good job Mizz, we need the Vs to cover the Tour of Utah next year!

B-Horn

Climber's Cup people...

2007-09-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

Jon Gallagher is the man! He put on another great race and even ordered a tail wind, a big tail wind...to the tune of speed's hitting 40mph plus on the flats. So Jon does his race stuff, gets a quick warm up, then rips it up. He's going to Seattle this weekend and will do the World Cyclocross Championships later this year. The G-man waited to peek late, so keep an eye on him- he should do well... and by the way he looks like Levi from the back when he's spinning circles...

Talkin' 'bout doing well in the World's congrats to another one for Dirkus Cowleyus, he trained like a dog this summer, right up and through nationals, way to work it D.C.

Shaeffer is flying right now, obviously... he put in a great time, as did Zimble(men), yeah I pluralized him... Shaef-dog is going to the Everst Challange, I think he's gonna tame it, so good luck Bra, and to all the other Paul Tracy's facing it... I know the Boss is on form, hell everyone's strong in the P.T... but special kudo's to Jimmy Wingman, he's a power man by trade but always show's up to climb, lay it down!

Kash Johnson is a way fast climber, and yeah he's 15... He could be like another Mitch "Copper" Peterson...we'll get back to him soon...so what's Kash's nickname going to be... please vote...and feel free to add your own.

Kash "Valley"
Fast Kash
Cold hard Kash
Mo' Kash (double meaning in Utah)
Kash on hand
Kash in the bank
Rockin' the Kash-ba
Kash it in
Kash on the Barrel-head
Don't except checks...sorry I ran out

Mitchell Peterson is so fast there is no nickname... but he wears a cool uni with a big sherrif's badge on it, so I'll call him the Copper... he's kinda like a Mod Squad dude with that big hair... Mitch if you cut it you could gain about a minute on the climb, but the college chicks might not dig it... so keep your priorities straight and keep the coif...

New fast chick, ex-oly gal Abby Larson... second straight torching of a local Hill Climb... watch out for her, she is new to the sport...looks like the femme fatal version of Billy the Kid Demong who tore up the 3's this year. Way to go Abbith Climbith... latin is totally in for nicknames right now...

That's it for now, gotta bring the male spawn to guitar lessons ASAP or I'm DOA.

B-Horn

Talent

2007-09-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

In the Hornet's Nest go to a blog named One Fast Squirrel (he's a hardcore Paul Tracy teamer from No-Cal) and check out the U-tube posted on the most recent blog.

Sanford and Son rules! That's talent.

B-Horn

Man-o-man!!!

2007-09-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

This is huge... Dave Sharp sent out a chain e-mail with a comment of "Nate Pack, who is this guy... a Cat 5 with a 9:16 at Lotoja, he must have soloed."

Here are some facts about Nate-

He posted a 50 flat time in Snowbird several years ago at 5'11" 197 lbs with a good portion of body fat...thats right 50 flat, he ave. over 440watts...
I met him on a climb last year and told him how I knew about his climb times, and how impressed I was that a dude of his size could climb like that.
He is a very intellingent dude (who analyzes training like Max Testa) and likes to do shorter sessions on the trainer (year round) of really hard intervals Vs time in the saddle...
He's about as nice of a guy as they come...
He took me up on a gratis offer to help him lose weight, he got down to 168 last spring and kept the same wattage... imagine what he would have done the SBHC in...anyway between the training, dieting, having a new baby and remodeling a house, it burned him out... he gained a lot of weight back. Then I never heard from him again until today, in response to an e-mail of mine.
Apparently, he quit riding until May, then started riding around 8 hours a week throughout the summer.
He didn't feel great during Lotoja and kept it steady... he said he soloed close to a total of 140 miles of the race.... and still posted a 9:16! What if he would have been with the group of 180?!?

This guy is an absolute cycling machine... Nate there is no reason to apologize to me, you didn't let me down... I don't know what to say outside of "amazing bro."

B-Horn

Things you can do with your cell phone.

2007-09-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sean "Bourne" Hoover had the following to share regarding cell phones...

5 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW CELL PHONES COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST-----Emergency-The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number, 112, can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND-Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

THIRD- Hidden Battery Power. Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH- How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone. To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes th e SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either . If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And Finally....

FIFTH- Free Directory Service for Cells. Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

Thanks, great info Sean,

B-Horn

No Way!

2007-09-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Today something pretty cool happened, it just goes to show how Karma is linked and what a small world it really is... hope you like it.

First the facts then how they relate-

Three years ago I rode for Midoule and really enjoyed it. To this day when I see the guys we'll hook up to ride. Hence Chris Petersen was nice enough to keep me on their active e-mail list.
I host the Tour de France competition in July on this blog, the winner gets his/her beverage of choice. Utrider wins. We exchange names and numbers to get the job done.
I receive a chain e-mail from a Midoule rider Brian V. on Friday with regard to a bike that was stolen from him, that he found on e-bay... with great info on how to prevent theft and what to do after the fact.
I post it Friday (see blog)
I get a phone call at work this morning from a guy who saw his bike listed on a link within Brian's text.

Those are the facts, this is how it runs... the rider listed in #5 calls me at work because he knows Utrider, who is one of only a few people with my work phone number, or for that matter know my full name...

So sometimes blogs work, and they work fast... but this would not have come about without Midoule keeping me on their active chain e-mail group; and without Brian V. taking the time to help others (let alone attaching some key links of stolen bikes) and then finally the advent of the blog to distribute the information...

Job done for the day, everyone raise a big cold one for Karma, technology, a bit of good luck and the recovery of a another bike.

B-Horn

Has your bike been stolen, read on...

2007-09-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

Great post from fellow rider Brian V from the Midoule Squad... he had his bike stolen and months later found it on e-bay... apparently there is a rash of thefts going on, so Brian decided to get out some valuable information regarding this... read on.

I thought you guys might be interested to know that I just recovered my bike that was stolen from my garage almost two months ago (along with some other items), after spotting it on eBay. ) I was about to the point of giving up looking for it when it appeared. I've heard from the various bike shops around town that they've all noticed an increase in bike thefts lately, and so it is probably worthwhile for all of us to be more aware. Through some diligence there is a chance you can recover your stolen items, and hopefully take down these guys. Since I am already on to a new bike, I am mainly just concerned in catching these guys and getting them off the street. (I think this is all a result of bad karma when about a year ago I saw a homeless guy riding around on a top-of-the-line Bianchi with flip flops and clipless pedals and chuckling to myself, "That bike is totally stolen and he has no idea what it is worth.")
Apparently some local pawn shops are involved in this rash of thefts, and this is the story my guy is also following, claiming he bought it from a pawn shop and had no idea it was stolen. Despite the fact that I totally don't believe him and he was very evasive when I tried to see the bike in person and despite the negative review accusing him of dealing in stolen goods, I'll follow the line of our judicial system, and allow him to remain innocent until proven guilty. So, as of right now, I won't give out his contact info and email address for us all to spam him. It appears that over the course of two years he has sold over 100 bikes or frames.
However, of concern to me is that even though he took down my bike from eBay, he still has two bikes actively listed that I can only presume are stolen. Included is a nice Felt carbon bike built up with DA components, being sold with no reserve. You can see them at:
http://cgi.ebay.com/Felt-F1-C-Carbon-Dura-Ace-Ksyrium-Easton-Road-Bike_W0QQitemZ140154161981QQihZ004QQcategoryZ98084QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
and
http://cgi.ebay.com/Trek-Pro-9-9-OCLV-Carbon-Bike-XTR-Rock-Shox-Avid_W0QQitemZ140154170810QQihZ004QQcategoryZ98083QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
It should be noted that they chopped up my bike and put a different wheel set, seat and seat post, and pedals in a bad attempt to make it look different. I assume the same has been done to these bikes. It makes sense to forward this email to anyone you know who rides locally and hopefully someone else can also recover their lost bike. Or maybe you want to bid, it looks like a really good deal.
I've told the police on my guess of the value of the Felt bike and told them that likely someone who can buy a bike like that isn't going to pawn it away for a couple hundred bucks.
I don't know if I'll recover my Ksyrium wheel set (which was purchased less than a year ago and is probably worth more than the bike at this point) or the other items stolen. As a result of this fun little experience I've got a few easy tips to help you recover your bike, and none of it requires wearing a 10-gallon cowboy hat with a camera hidden inside:
1. Write on some small slips of paper your name, contact information and some variation of "If you find this note, this bike has been stolen..." and put it inside your handlebars and/or in your head tube. In the chance that they chop up your bike, or knock off the serial number this will help you identify your bike.
2. Write on the inside of your wheel set with a sharpie or paint pen your name and contact info, either under the rim tape or wherever. I didn't think of it before hand, but my wheel set had a serial number as well that I should have written down.
3. If you haven't already, make record of your serial number(s) and even give it to your insurance company. You may also want to take photos of your bike, including any significant marks or chips or whatever, and with every upgrade or noteworthy change.
4. Check eBay and CraigsList for your stuff. eBay even lets you save searches and it will notify you if any like items appear. What could have been my fatal mistake was I didn't have my search broad enough. The guy put spaces in between the lettering on "200 SCI" so my automated search didn't catch it. Luckily I did a manual search of "Kestrel 200".
5. If you do find your bike, if you bid on it you can request the seller's contact information. WARNING: When you request their information, it also sends your contact information to them, so you may want to be sure you are comfortable doing that, or at the very least chose a phone number that can't be easily traced back to you, if you fear retribution. On grandcentral.com you can get a free phone number that can redirect to your real number. (I'm a little disappointed in eBay's stance on this, but only a police officer can report to them a stolen item, and then eBay will assist in getting the information to the police officer. Given the speed that things come and go, and how long that will likely take, there is a good chance your bike will be long gone before they take action.)
6. Once you have a phone number you can do a free reverse search on a variety of phonebook sites and get their address.
7. Keep pressing the police if you do find it. Although the SLCPD was very helpful, I imagine that in their view a single stolen bike isn't a big enough ticket item to get excited about. You are likely going to have to do much of the legwork yourself. However, if this guy has indeed sold 100+ stolen bikes at an average of $500 each (likely much more) that is at least $50,000 in stolen merchandise.
Anyway, spread the word and hopefully we can help curb some of this stuff and also help some people recover their bikes.
Brian

Great info and detail, thanks Brian,

B-Horn

Hey

2007-09-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

What's up y'all?

Webster's to publish new words and def's this week.

2007-09-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

I do some consulting for the publisher of Webster's Dictionary. After the TT this weekend I traveled non-stop around the globe to most of the English speaking nations. Our crack team of professionals submitted this elite list of new words and def's... as always, you are first to know.

- Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

- Bozone (n.): substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating; the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

- Cashtration (n.): act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

- Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit & the person who doesn't get it.

- Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

- Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

- Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

- Decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

- Glibido: all talk & no action.

- Doppler Effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

- Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning & cannot be cast out.

- Ignoranus: a person who's both stupid & an ...

Study up, and please use correctly, if you need any assistance with these terms- see me after the next race...

The Fall is coming!

2007-09-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah and yeah!

Get the rides done early 'cause it's all about college football (App State / Michigan) come on... Fla State and Clemson in Death Valley... High School F.B.- the Ohio Challange where Ohio teams played some of the best teams in the Country and man helmets were flying...

Baseball, Sox are up 7 games and the Cubs might just pull it out...

I even watched the US Open and Golf ... it was awesome. Tiger and Phil going at it... Phil is Mr Short Game, holy smokes... went to Heber to play a round with my red headed spawn. and I've been knighted the official Mr No Game by the Homestead Homies- but my son drives a cart like Mario Andretti, so we got that going for us... I guess when you hit a 134 on 9 ya gotta go at speed, ya know...

The Pro's start this week, that's football Mon, Thurs, Fri (H.S), Sat and Sun. I guess Tue I'll take a shower and Wed I will brush my teeth... that should keep me busy...

Tomorrow will be...

2007-08-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

LRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRL

-will have a trail of fire eminating from his wheels... the Manitoba Missle has been eating lightnin' and poopin' thunder... this bad, bad man is going to lay down one blistering time. The Skull's in the Valley will be yapping once and for all...

Paul Tracy Part Deux- Sanpete style.

2007-08-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

How do you spell pain - P.A.U.L T.R.A.C.Y... simply stated after Sat's race even my hair hurts...

The Canyon boy's did a great job doing the tactical things at first, then it was go time... 2 on 2 with Andre Gonzalez and myself matched up with Jim "Wingman" Robbins and Steve "Hazardous material" Kircher (sorry I forgot the nickname but it works). From this point on it was a hard paceline going forward, non-stop... these guys are horses, or more accurately Mustangs... they would have just kept on going... even if everyone blew up... until they ended up in the Atlantic off of Maine...

Jim was relentless, and Steve's elastic band never unwound. At the end Steve wanted to drag race at 1000 meters, I cramped badly at 1200, he wanted to wait for me, huh? I implored him to take it (he deserved it). I had to pedal in right footed (that must have looked pretty ugly). I made it in, only to cramp for the next 1/2 hour. This is not an excuse, this is simply the fact of trying to pace with those cylclodroids...well it didn't kill me... so I must be stronger. Thanks Canyon gang for all of the hard work, Andre for being there and sticking it out and to the P.T. guys for putting the big hurt on... I'm just glad Mike "Chickey" Anderson decided to just sit in... Seriously, thanks guys for another "lesson," school was definately in session.

Congrat's to solid Ben Nichols for winning his first Cat 3 race (after coming soooo close) and to Spence DeBry, great race and even better sportsmanship bra.

The Mazda 45+ crew had a pretty good day taking 1-3 and 5. When Gary Porter is acting as a domestique...enough said. Teammate Louie Riel was outnumbered but worked his Canadian Bacon off regardless of group numbers, nice job...

Last but not least, T-Mac was in the house and he looks pretty good... needless to say his mere prescense was insirational and a sight for sore eyes... Raise a big Dave Harward Kiev Brewha for Mr Terry... In fact two or three for the dude, I can't think of anyone more worthy!

Stuff about the characters of the '07 TdG

2007-08-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

Let's start with the Cat 1-3 ladies...being that it was kind of hot at the crit... they were walking around in tank tops and bikini's before the race... ok, maybe an exaggeration... anyway these gals are really fit, I'm glad I had sunglasses on. Seriously, the hard work shows ladies.

Keeping on the same subject, Can-Am Kirsten Kotval (ex-national crit champ) was tooling around the wacked corner at the crit, when her front wheel just went perp out of nowhere. She hit really hard. It looked just like one of the crashes in Euro-land when the sprinters are lining it up. She landed on her caboose and just sat there stunned, got up, was moved to the ambulance where they bandaged her up on her caboose, leg and arm...then put goop on her fat lip... her bike and carbon wheels were fine, so she got back on her bike to cool down... She is one tough chick, and don't worry Kirsten-swooners, she still looked fine with her big ol' lip... and she's alright- her biggest concern after the crash was for the other riders that crashed behind her, that's class. By the way, the cause of the mechanical- looks her Specialized chain ring on her Tarmac SL gave out, so if that's your ride, Specialized will switch it out fo' fee with a Dura-ace set up... take heed!

Nicole Evans got 6 minutes on the field in the first climbing stage (with only 10 days of training in her legs after the mono-episode), she stayed with the lead pack in the crit, yet before the stage 4 TT she was lined up in one-spot, apparantly she had some serious der. prob's in stage 3. Typical Nicole, smiling ear to ear before and after the TT, who would have known.

Chuck Collins rules! I will say it again, Chuck Collins rules... he must have either taught at, or attended the Luscious Jackson School of Motivation. I, like many have seen C.C. when he is on... no matter what, he is just a good guy, got me pumped up to continue to press hard on stage one...thanks Chuck, hope I can be half as motivational when you can use it bra.

The Claw- this is the second time I have called the Claw out... whatever this guy didn't get in natural talent he clawed (like that) his way through hard work and persistance. Every year he gets better and better at climbing, breakaways, crits and TT'ing, and when it comes to the latter in the 45+ he is right there already... so for the newbies... if you want to get good, and it doesn't come overnight, well just work your tail off until you are, or forever hold your claw (sorry).

Don Armstrong is Ford tough, what are they putting in the water up there? These guys are bad-bad men... Don, when Mark Schaeffer is "worried" about you, you gotta be good, oh yeah and John McWin had the same thing to say... I want to see you and Porter go 10 rounds in the ring, don't know who would win but...what a fight that would be. I don't think Mike McDonald would approve, but I'll only take 10% of the share...

Last, but not least, this is all about Andrey Yarbrough. Andrey used to be the race organizer for the Tour de Gap, he lives in Brian Head with his lovely racer lady Utahna. Andrey races, big deal right? Well yeah it's a big deal when riding and minding his own biz he gets plastered by a truck! OK, a Mack Truck! Better yet a Mack Dump Truck! He did, and has the scars all over to prove it... too many injuries to name including titanium plates in his head... interesting fact- he used to put out 400 watts for 6min's at 147 lbs (calculate that P-man)... anyway he was the main reason the break worked in stage 3. For the first 10 miles he was a mad-man, I got a glimpse of what those 400 watts must have looked like burning rubber... by the way, he is looking at setting up a race in St. George in the spring that goes through Ivans, and up though the climbs.... more later... thanks Andrey, thanks Utahna.

The Blue Train and synchronized critting

2007-08-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

The Tour de Gap was eventful to say the least. First off, the Paul Tracy Team from Las Vegas was in full force with Louie Amelburu and Mark Schaeffer at the wheel...They brought the A-team, and the team was large... with that I would like to focus on one stage in particular... the crit.

Note- this blog has always been intended to be an observation of racing and racers, not on me, but I must use a first person perspective to give a clear picture of tactics played out perfectly... and this will be done in bullet points for effect...

Paul Tracy shows up with a lot of gunslingers for the 35/45 masters categories.

and yes, they are representing with some cat 1's...
and yes, they employ great tactics
and yes, these riders are willing to sacrifice at anytime for the sake of the team.
and yes, these riders are good, very good.
and they came with the full aramada of Paul Tracy signifigant others- PTG (Paul Tracy Groupies) generally hanging around the Paul Tracy Mobile and being great fans... to everyone.

To the crit- bottom line this was a lesson in tactics played out to perfection...we will refer to it as synchronized critting. The course was small, tight and fast with a funky corner...encompassing roughly one city block, so you knew where everyone was- and here is where it gets good...follow along...

Scott Allen was sitting in 3rd, and I was in 5th... with P.T. dudes, Louie 1st, Mike Anderson 2nd and Jon Edwards 4th... so what do they do- of course isolate Scott and I... Scott had 2 dudes with him on the break, I had 3 or 4 with me behind... it was like a clock with the little hand going slower than the big one...after a series of attacks they dropped Scott, and he was isolated exactly on the opposite end of the course from me (to the tee as far away as possible) my P.T. men were pacing me appropriately to make this happen, always waiting for Louie and Mike to come around, I knew this, I also knew that here would come the attacks... so I only had one choice, suicide on the bike! I looked back and said to Jim Robbins, "well it looks like I'm dead meat, so I am going to attack until I implode" which I did lap after lap until with perfect timing, just when I popped, all the P.T. guys were together in one big blue train...going fast, very fast...

The point is, any team can show up en-force, but to put it together like that was just poetry in motion, and yes, the other team's riders not mentioned were also strewn all over the course...on top of this there were super savvy tactics and the power to see it through for the other 2 road stages...even though I was on the other end, I respected the hell out of what they were doing...

So for the second time in one week, new members of the Hornet Hall of Fame, the entire Paul Tracy Team and sig... others, Paul, buy 'em each a case of Heinie's for that one... they deserve it!

Tomorrow, Kirsten Kotval, Chuck Collins, the Claw, Don Armstrong, Cat 1,2,3 women and last but not least Andrey Yarbrough.

Dave Z and Kaylee

2007-08-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, today I was already going to write about end of the season burn-out, and not to forget to count your blessings for just being healthy enough to ride... to many times we get caught up in racing and forget that we are really fortunate...

Then I read Stormin Norman Sr's (Mr Clean) blog and I get all charged up again... Story goes Z-man threw his bottle at the feed zone nailing little Kaylee, obviously upsetting her greatly. Z-man found out about it and promptly makes a phone call directly to Kaylee to apologize...

I can't imagine what it's like being Z around here trying to mind his own business and train. And for anyone who knows him, he's a bit off center in wit in the first place, and secondly tries to be somewhat reclusive. Yet when a mistake occurs he does the right thing and picks up the phone for a little local girl.

Dave, you know you have a ton of support around here, we all dig when you bury the Euro's in a prolog or TT, or for that matter wear yellow... but that is nothing compared to the phone call. As I tell my son, anyone can develop talent, but those who display class are the real deal's. The phone call is what did it for me, you are the real deal.

My newest entry in the Hornet Hall of Fame, Dave Z for doing the right thang! Good job and thanks for making my day! Damn, I'm really psyched about this one, can ya tell?

B.H.

Ok it's the blonde joke competition!

2007-08-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

Before I get jumped on for this one... everyone knows I can take a verbal beating... so the jokes on you this time... and please feel free to send in your best blonde jokes... but remember keep the verbiage somewhat kid friendly, I don't want to tramatize the young cat 5's or anything...

I'll open the proceedings up with these...

> > A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
> > The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
> > and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
> > The husband said, "Who was that?"
> >
> > The wife said, "I don't know! It was some woman wanting to know if
> > the coast is clear."
> >

> > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
> >
> > "Is it mine?"
> >
> > `?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:- ,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-
> >
> > Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
> > government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
> > was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision
> > George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "
> >
> >*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*: -.,_,.-:*?`?*:
> >
> >
> > Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
> > ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
> > reported the crime.
> >
> > The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
> > patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
> > the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
> > shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
> > steps.
> >
> > Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
> > possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
> > They send me a BLIND policeman."

Alright send em this way, I know you have good one's. P-man, you can even use a personal example, maybe start with "blonde with a beard..."

Good luck, Hornet

Blistering descent!

2007-08-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

Got up at the crack of dawn to do Little C.C. this morning... went into a fairly strong head wind... needless to say I was ready to go in the other direction by the end.

I was just going down minding my business, kind of zoning out when I decided to pedal. I thought my chain came off because nothing was happening, and I was probably doing 130 rpms... so I look down and my chain is on the big ring and the 11 cog... then I look at the computer and it reads 63mph and I wasn't even trying! I love tailwinds on descents. It's like a killer ride at Magic mountain or something...

Motopacing the Geraldizer

2007-08-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Was on the Suzuki 650 DR Enduro yesterday coming home from the grind when I came upon Gerald Hunsaker on his Willier...

Had my brain bucket on when I yelled to him get behind me as I proceeded down the breakdown lane on Wasatch... He was game and went hard for a long time, then I slowed down and pulled next to him... guess he didn't know Hornet's like motorcycles too... anyway it was kinda cool how he blindly just followed some dude on a big purple and yellow beast and just dug deep...

So the next time you see Hunsaker tell him you know his secret to speed...

Near death experience.

2007-08-05T13:46:00.001-07:00

The Huntsville 100 was eventful to say the least...

Was trying to catch Zan at the turnaround going hard...signalled to the official by twirling my right hand in a circle to make sure... he did it back, then he began to yell at a car behind me to slow down, and indicated that I was going to pull a U-ee... I cornered fast and then a motorcycle passed me at about 60 just missing me by an inch, giving the official a coronary... I didn't really think about it because I was so focused on Zan, but on the drive home I got a bit freeked over it... so please make sure you ALWAYS do a quick check back over your shoulder, and another to oncoming traffic at turnarounds... I know it is common sense, but in the heat of a race...

It's great to have Zan back in form, he put on a clinic going at 1 mile in...Zan never makes excuses, always rides hard and is a model of class, he is a bikemissle, with the fajizzle, and one of my favorite dudes, with Porter and the crew, that is one formidable club... congrats Z2-man.

To the guy who Nascar-ed me today during my ride with the Claw, this bud isn't for you! Your diatribe about "lycra wearing pansy TdF wannabe's" was truely awe-inpiring, just get it straight, when referring to me- it's correctly stated "lycra wearing pansy TdF wannahornet" Jack. I truely hope I scared the bejesus out of you... By the way, side note... he was wearing some of those Sear's bought polyester pants that expand at the waist (I think they are called Sansibelt)... anyway guess it takes one to know one... let's see what to wear, since I can't wear my leather chaps on the ride, I'll just pick lycra shorts over my circa 1973 polyester trousers 9 times out of 10, ya think?

Barloworld's Cox dies following surgery

2007-08-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

This is sad... does Barloworld supply insurance for it's employee's (racers)... this is obviously job related... cycling is dangerous, obviously, here is another example that I was not familiar with...

Big up's to Robbie Hunter for financing his teammates surgery, but once again where was Barloworld? You can read about this here... http://www.velonews.com/news/fea/13033.0.html

We have a winner!

2007-07-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, the TdF competition was close and if Astana didn't get booted things may have been different...

But the winner of his choice of brewha is the Ute Rider, Forrest tied him, but due to rule trois, Ute wins because he entered first... (that rule trois will get ya everytime man) good job to all... Note it was so close that if Cadel and Levi would have had a few more seconds in the TT then Polka-dot would have taken it all, with Cadel 1st and Levi 2nd...

Ute-dude reply back, and we will make arrangements. Congrat's.

Hornet.

He's a Basque-Man!

2007-07-22T11:45:00.001-07:00

How can't you be in command of a race when your name is Contador, Con-ta-DOR! Accent on the last syl-able...it just rolls off the tongue...Gee Sally is that Con-ta-DOR! Yes, Buffy it is, and he is so dreamy!...

CON-TA-DOR!!! You can use it in a manner of speech now, for example- I just Contadored that a serious hors category climb Kip! No way Chip, that's wicked awesome!

Do your self a favor be a Con-ta-Dor man, or for you femme fatals out there, be a Con-ta-dor-ess on your next climb up your favorite mountain pass...

"He thought the sun just came out!"

2007-07-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Phil is the bomb! When Rassmussen passed Valverde in the ITT that is what he said... I fell of my chair laughing...he was so animated about it. Really I think Valverde was probably thinking something much darker at the moment... Then he went right into another ad for Extreme Cage Fighting (for you Forrest)... I think I even heard Paul choke on the olive from his beverage of choice...

I agree with the Art-man, Trautwig has to go... Especially after he made the following comment prior to the stage Z-man had to leave due to his knee prob's... "and look at Zabriske, he is way, way back at 1:49..." Oh yeah, Troutschmeg get some info first you putz! Then you might want to invest in a good read regarding team tactics and tour history... or one short call to T-Mac should fill you in...my mother doesn't know squat about the TdF, I bet if you gave her a month to study up and research it, she'd kick Trout's ...! Any day, any where! That is a Rant!!! And I am now a card holding Rantmastaflash! Now I need a beverage! Where's MY beverage!!!
Don't mess with Z, T...

Raise one for Columbia!

2007-07-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

Tuesday's TdF climbing stage was pretty cool. First of all I reviewed it plenty of times on the TiVo in slo-mo, then in partial mo', so I definately saw more than the average TV sloth...

Here are the hidden facts to as what happened. Mauricio Soler, who's real name is Mauricio Juan Javier Edgar Manuel Roberto Maria Rodriquez Martinez Jiminez Soler just took command during the last climb like a fat boy boxing out his little bro's for the last chocholate Dunkin Hole-he simply would not be denied. On replay I saw Juan Valdez hand him two shots of super espresso Columbian Dark java from the Bartoworld team car just prior to the attack, and one more in the final 10k. That pretty much did it. In fact he didn't drink or eat anything else...all day or after the race... If you look at the pre-tour stats he stood at 6'3" and weighed 188lbs, yesterday pre race he was only 147lbs... and by the end of the tour he will be 89lbs...

There is nothing like a dude from a B team taking it to the big's. He attacked, flew by the lead dudes then said "zelzebarez mi salsafritos" which is an old Columbian bike racing term (loose interpetation) "you guys ride bikes uphill like your riding a freekin' snell (Normism)... so I'm gonna take it to you, just a try to hold my flaming wheels my little friends!" He has max moxie!... I hope he does the same thing next week in the mountains... can he TT better than Rass-ma-tazz... who know's, with the right java?...

Le Tour

2007-07-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

I think that we may have a clean (er) tour. These guys look like they are suffering, the attacks on Stage 8 could not break up the chase group...and Rass-man "The Skeletor" just kinda rode people off of his wheel... That guy's so skinny he makes me look like Arnold...

How 'bout the Ziggy Stardust circa '75 lookin dude from Germany that took stage 7, he got the stage, the Yellow, the Polka-dot, the White (wimp didn't get the green!). Anyway he was foaming at the mouth, and had to be lifted from his bike by two bier drinking guys with forearms the size of my girlfriend's (believe me they are really big under all that hair)...then he keeps on apologizing to the French head's of state... that was pretty refreshing to see that dude take it.

To bad for all the crash victims... man you got guys getting launched over guardrails, having Muesetts stuck in their sphincters and just falling off their bikes going 8mph up hill... wha???

Then you have "Iron- man" bandaged up to his forehead hanging in... its probably because Borat was cheering him on... if anyone wears the Borat outfit to any race, thats good for a six pack from yours truely... by the way the winner of the TdeF competition might only have one or two of the top riders the way it is going... my bet is on Wayne Cottrell. By the way what ever happened to Wayne, I miss his training runs after the races... So Borat just shows up and Wayne suddenly is missing, hmmmm.

Pentucky!

2007-07-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Seven Spring's and it was different in just about every way imaginable... and it kind of grew on me by the end.

Hills

First of all, when you arrive in Pittsburgh and drive in any direction, the roads simply go up and down. I mean UP and DOWN. I was in my car talking to my mom saying now I am at the top of the hill, 10secs, 20 secs 30 secs later... now I am at the bottom and so on...

The Road Course

This sucker went really up and really down to the max... and most of the hills have no flat at the trough or apex... and some are pretty damn steep. Anyway you start with a minor climb, you hit the only somewhat flat part for about 3/4 of a mile then a minor climb, then it goes down, then a steeper climb then it goes down hard, flattens a bit goes down harder, flattens less and goes down even steeper, then up and down, the you enter the loops which are all up and down so much I must have been hallucinating... and you go fast, really fast like a roller coaster... then back up the steep long rollers for a 4 mile climb... then fast through some condo areas and up, down fast and up to the finish... whew! And it was really humid and scoarching hot during the day.

The Race

The good news- the race seemed short for me... the bad news- the race was short for me... It started well, I got in the front row next to Jeff Sargent (who was 3rd last year and got on the podium with 5th again this year... back to him later). We had almost 150 guys sign up and it looked that way at the start. So, we went up the hill, Jeff and I stayed toward the front, then there were some surges that put us down to about 50th (they opened up the whole road which was pretty cool). Anyway we then had two climbs seperated by a downhill, the second climb was long enough to move up and get to the front. So that is what I did, went to the very front and some nice dude wanted 1st spot, so I sucked his wheel at numero dos. That was pretty cool, considering we then had to descend fast, for the next 4 plus miles... with 150 other dudes...some heavier dudes passed me, and man could you smell brakes- it was wild. Anyway the rollers came, I tried to stay within 10 people of Jeff at all times (who was always at the very front and even went for a short dig with two other guys -Jeff is strong). Anyway, had a lot of fun sucking wheels and conserving energy, there was one serious hill per lap (4laps) and the guys hit it pretty hard, but it wasn't bad. To make a long story short, I was having fun, felt really good, was way relaxed and looking forward to the last climb when... the next thing you know, I was a dirt seeking missle. I didn't crash, but I was then off the pack a ways and had to try to catch the group (down to about 60) up the damn hill, down some fast hills, around the chase cars for about 5 miles, almost there, almost there- POP! Game over! Play again next year.

The post race thoughts

Ah, not happy somes it up. But I will say this, the local road racing definately prepares you for the Nationals and Coach Hardwood really had me peeking at the right time. So, I guess I could take that away. And once again big up's to Jeff. He worked hard up front, did his pulls, was willing to attack and still drilled the podium spot. I know 'cause I always had an eye on him (at least for 3 laps)...

Other Results

I didn't see everyone or all of the races (apologies to those) but I did see... in the M45's Rob Westerman tuff it out with his reconstructed leg coming in the top 1/2 of the field, and my roomate Tony "the Italian" Chesrow who crashed on the first of 4 laps and taco'ed his wheel (please don't stay in room 221 at the Super 8- it causes vertigo, obviously). So what does The Italian do, he figures aw-ight I'm last and I need a cold one ASAP- he drills it for 3 laps then starts catching people on the climb and ends up 59th... he stormed on the down hills and his back wheel was toast. Italian's seem to be short on smarts but long on guts!

W40+ Jill Wilkerson Smith saw the podium for the TT and was tenth in the road race which was pretty fractured by the end and newbie Lori Fransden got 9th, she was a cat 5 at the start of the season...got to fly back with her, she's got it together...

W45+ Kris Walker took off on an attack and was in 2nd ascending the climb to the finish when Ellen Guthrie caught on and pulled the group up the entire climb while wearing a big smile that never seemed to leave. Anyway they finished 3rd and 4th and had enough energy to set up the Italian with several of their single friends, which brought a smile to his face also.

I left before Dirk went off, but he was wearing his socks high so it must have been a good day... he's down to only 4-5 hours a day of training for the worlds... then he'll up it to 6-7 hours a day for the intergalactics...and Mr Ken Louder had to have been there and must have done well, I did not see him?

Mark Schaeffer and Louie Amelburu had some technical difficulties in the TT and came in second...barely... they were not happy, I mean they were really not happy esp. Las Vegas Louie... so what do they do, they train like mad men for the road race, break three chains and the crank bolt on the tandem... Mark tells me "the goal is to go hard enough to win, but soft enough to not break the bike." Man! So, Louie says the hell with that, duct tapes the bike then loses a lung while putting out power like Thor and spinnin like DJ mastablasta... they win... Mark is so thrashed he can barely make it up to the podium... I really like those dudes, a lot, great job! Oh, and they hit over 70mph descending while Las Vegas closes his eyes "I just don't want to know at that point" fortunately he's in the back.

The goods

J.R. Smith was defending his turf from some gang banger at the feed zone when the crip said "don't play in my sandbox"... Crippy then body slammed a stunned J.R. and punched him in the kisser and beak a few times. It looked like J.R. went a round with Iron Mike ...So watch out! Those feed zones are pretty tough in the land of the Ohio Valley...

Package Stores

In the PA, they have package stores (liquor) stores everywhere... I mean there could be 8 people living in the township yet have 3 packies... one was a drive through, that was wide and high enough that your local truckers with the semi's could mosy through.

Toll Booths

The Italian really doesn't like toll booths, he feels that they are un-American. He avoided them at all costs and found dirt roads to get to the venues... oh, he drove across country to the nat's, I think he went via Mexico to avoid all but one... and at that one, he found out they don't accept credit or debit cards... so he was sent to a local hotel to get cash... he was pretty happy about it...

Hot Mama's

Lotsa the lady riders were rightous! One inparticular was way rightous for my tastes. Then I saw her line up for the 60+ group, holy cow! After the race one of the grandma's she raced with got on the podium also, I think it was her mother... she had one tooth... now come on, get the kisser fixed first, then buy the $8,000 Colnago with the Zipp 404 carbons! The Italian said she must have taken her dentures out before the race to conserve weight, if that is the case, way to go, but come on put 'em back in for the podium photo's!

Southwest and the kiosk

I'm the only one at Southwest at 6:30Am in Pittsburgh Inter... I have the bike in a roller carrier, a suitcase that has a bunch of tools, and bike stuff and a backpack filled with food, zig zagging toward the ticket counter...There are three ladies in two areas doing.... nothing... except for telling me that they can't help me, and that I have to ticket myself at the kiosk... I look around still not another soul around... now the kiosk and self serve is fine with me if the peloton arrives all at once but.... come on already...get off the keister and put the fingers to the keyboard ladies, I kinda have my hands tied up right now... ya think!

That's it for now, I have a lot more stories in person... so just ask... overall I think it was a 9 on the enjoyment scale and a 13 on the bizarre scale... and one more thing... you can buy mush for breakfast, wha? Name it something other than mush, I think the marketing could be better...mush?!? Come over to the Nest I'll make you some mush... for free... I won't charge ya, I mean it is mush, tastless, soupy, luke warm and all...

***UCI to adopt new categories within pro ranks.

2007-07-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

After reading Sly and Art O's respective blogs, I have come up with a new rating system within the UCI based on how much doping each athlete partakes in. There are 5 Categories and each athlete may enter any race. But depending on the race, there will always be handicaps (like golf) where the highest category dopers- Cat A's may start, for example, 45 min's after the Cat E's, but only 15 min's after the Cat B's. So with no further a-due, here is how a mountain stage in the Vuelta could look like next year, with Phil, Paul and Bob commentating...Oh but first...

To set the new UCI rules up- first a little breakdown of how it works.

Cat A- unlimited doping before, during and after the race, anything goes.
Cat B- some constistant doping, but these aren't the fastest guys, so why invest.
Cat C- little doping, these are the has been's or never been's, so they get the left over, outdated stuff.
Cat D- No doping, new guys who are being evaluated for potential, either won't ever dope (Saints) , OR probably will eventually dope (Sinners), these guys can be tested up to 12 times per day at anytime!
Cat E- Don't even know that there are dopers , very new to the sport.
Cat X- Experimental- riders may have placebo's or product's that have only been tested on, or from, animals or plants. Cat X will ride with the A's

So, before we go to the action on today's 156 km mountain stage of the Veulta- here are the handicaps. Cat E's will start 1hr and 20 minutes in front of the A's, Cat D's- 1hr 10. Cat C's-45 minutes, Cat B's-22.5 min's. Cat F's will then start with the A's.

One really ironic thing today every racer in each category actually has a last name starting with the same letter as his category. Hence, Aki is Cat A, and Earkle is Cat E.

... now to the commentary with Phil, Paul and Bob.

Phil (ph)- ok we are ready to start... today we have only 3 racers in category E... they are J. Earkle representing Greenland, L. Eumba from East Cameroon and R.
Estovk from Bosnia who seems pretty calm not even on his bike yet...

BANG! (the starters gun)

Paul (pl) and they're off, holy Jesus! Estovk is flooring it, I have never seen someone take off like that from the gun... Bob (b) do ya think he knows it's 100 miles. I think this might be his first race, let's look it up. (ph) look, Estovk is not even clipped in, he looks terrified... pan in closer... he isn't clipped in, but he looks scared... what's up with this guy? (b) well it says he grew up in a war zone, no TV... poor family... (pl) that's gotta be it, all the Cat E riders generally are from poorer countries with no TV's, or else they might have a clue regarding the "juice thing." (ph) yeah I think he might have a PTSD problem, the guy is flying... (b) how 'bout Earkle and Eumba right on his wheel...if these guys can keep the pace...

10 mins later...

(ph) the Cat D's are 28 strong and ready to start, we have the no-doping division here... and Dorn, Dunff, Deede and Doneti who are the UCI division Cat D leaders to date... and they are off. (b) this pace is a bit better off of the gun, these are savvy and clean riders... I like these guys... (pl) hey... back to the E's, my man Estovk is still pounding at about 130rpms, he has some serious leg speed!... in 20 minutes they have already covered 18km in hilly and hot terrain... that's averaging over 30mph. (b) but Eumba and Earkle are struggling to stay on, pedalin' some serious squares... I think there dyin' out... I have no idea why they are trying to stay with Estovk who is obviously been spooked by the starters gun...(ph)probably because these guys have no clue...(pl) certainly looks that way, but it is rather interesting to watch...

45 mins later...Start of the C's- (p) this is an entertaining group, you never know who is going to get the good stuff today. (b) yeah sometimes it's outdated or junk or whatever scraps these guys can find to hopefully increase there performance...
(pl) with that, there are NO consistant leaders, recently though, the Italian's Creti and Cressendo are looking good, and how about Cartez from Spain and Canzeldez from Colombia, I really think each of these guys has found a good source...and they are off... (ph) back to the D's- Dorn is leading the pack and they just passed Earkle and Eumba like they were standing still, those Cat E's are going to have a long day in the saddle... (b) but how 'bout Estovk, he is still screaming... we have him extending his margin over the D's (pl) he is riding like a man posessed!.. and he still hasn't clipped in... reminds me of a young man who went by the initals of E.M...

1hr and 20 minutes later... (ph) looks like we missed the start of the B flight but we now have the heavy hitters... the Cat A's... (pl) we have really seen some fantastic riding from these super dopers! (b) yeah that Alpe D'Huez TT stage where the Chinese rider A. Auuan just crushed it in 34 minutes, beating Lance's best by 5 minutes...(pl) that's just simply a commitment to excellence from the Chinese, these rising stars have powerful goverment backing, not only getting the riders the most potent stuff, but to dose it spot on when they need it...(ph) yeah and you can't forget the resurgence of the East German's with Audmilsch and Aurlicht, as well as the super strong Soviet team represented by none other than a Mr. H. Aupslkv...(b) wha? East Germany? since when... (pl) since doping came back... it's now 43% of the countries GDP... (b) wow! (pl) and don't forget the X'ers esp. Xavier and Xene we have the special scoop on these guys, we know what they are on... and they are off...

15 minutes later- Estovk is at km 96 in one hour and 35 min's, we have been told that this is the fastest split time ever in this stage, at that point...

(pl)The Cat A's are just flying... they are already only a few minutes behind the B's...and hold on, there is a crash...there is a pile up...(b) no it's a brawl... Audmilsch, Aurlicht and about 10 other's are pummeling Earkle and Eumba... blood is everywhere... (ph) that's a nasty side effect of the stimulents and steroids mixed together... Earkle and Eumba must have gotten in the way or slowed the peleton down a bit too much...(b) yeah Phil, road rage to the max... we sure have seen a lot of that this year... but I think the fans really liked it during the Giro... then again only nine guys finished...

10 minutes later... Estovk at km 99 decending fast....(ph) hold it, look he has a flat... and in the Cat E's, they have no wheel car's... (pl) he must be going 95km/hr on his rims, sparks are flying everywhere... (b) he's still not clipped in... he just flew off the road, I hope he's ok...that looked nasty...

22 minutes later... (ph) the A's are back at pace and have passed the B's, only one B remains in with the A's, it's number 341, Keith Best the American from Wyoming... he looks good...(b) the rest of the B's are not looking good at all, at this point in the season, it appears as if the big teams are putting all of their doping money on the big boy's and nothing is left for the B's.

(pl) It looks like the D's are in a group 10 minutes behind the A's, and 5 minutes behind the B's. But Dorn is still pulling the group, I think he has pulled the whole time...(b) he is tough!

(ph) let's talk about the X's for a minute. The teams were nice enough to give us some insight as to what they are on... Xavier doesn't know it, but he has been injected with Northern Atlantic fish isotopes... the Argian Fish, these fish can live out of water for 3 hours at a time, they actually mate with Ferrets to produce the unique Gymnate Aqua Bats of Prince Edward Island... (b) no kidding! (ph) so the hope is that the injection will not only increase his VO2 max by almost a whooping 100%, but also his skin will become oily and repel water and heat... but the side effects are nasty... hallucinations and a sardine scent (b) that can't be good... (ph) and Xene is taking an oral supplement from the root of a Zbwee tree, found only in the Uganda hills, that is supposed to make someone so alert mentally, that he can overcome physical demands like a hard bike race, day after day... no side effects to note so far.

(pl) Oh, they have stopped the D's, they are all getting drug tested by WADA... this is not good, it has just killed the D's results all year, sometimes getting tested 3 times in a race. (ph) but look at the savvy Dorn, he is having a well placed natural break at the same time... and getting some fluids on board...(ph) he is the consumate professional always multi tasking!

25 minutes later-(pl) still haven't seen Estovk, no there he is... he is back on his bike and apparently he has used tree leaves in his tires, and fastended them with small bush roots... this guy just wont quit (b) he still looks terrified...

(ph) Dorn has gone!... he is TTing at a blistering pace, what lovely form... he has separated from the D's and has passed some of the C's... and Best is attacking the B's solo too, what a race!...(b) I think Best, the American is going to catch the A's, and that Dorn is something special, clean and everything... looks like Estovk is with the A's now at km 101... it is all hard climbs for the next 55km, and some of these hit 22%... hold it, another crash, 25 people are down... (pl) no Bob it looks like Xavier, the fish man is in a brawl with three Russians A riders, and Estovk... let's get some audio with our man Davis Phinney, who is at the action, (dp)-Estovk and Aupslev the Russian are pounding on Xavier who is crying, no...its an oily substance coming out of his eyes... he really smells... I think they can't stand it anymore, these three will be kicked out of the race on this one, esp. with the red flag being flown with the earlier fight... yeah the officals are handcuffing them, they are DQ'ed... too bad, that Estovk was a stud and I wanted to see what Xavier co... hold it! Xavier has slithered out of the cuffs he is off chasing the group... a renegade rider, his placing will not count but it is kind of interesting...hold it Estovk just body slammed the paddy, he's back on too... wow!

15kms later, (ph) Dorn who caught the group is now off the front with a two minute lead... for a clean guy...he is really digging deep into the closet of courage with this one...oh no, another drug test! They have stopped him, he is mad this time... they are flying his sample to a lab in a copter... this can't be good, and he is off again, that was quick, and he still has a minute lead!...(b) hold on Xavier has attacked of the front also, the peleton seems to be slowing...his VO2 max must be really kicking in... that experimental stuff is probably good to go.... and the Chinese are now attacking, all of them pacing Auaan, and here comes the Chinese team car, they are hooking an IV into Auaan's left arm... trying desperately to get more electrolytes in him... (b) that is legal...but he can't hold onto the car when doing so... in fact the Chinese have perfected this using doctors who are also former olympic gymnasts to inject on the fly.. mad skills...

5 kms later (pl) they are placing another IV in Auaan's arm... hope it doesn't get caught in his spokes... (ph) there goes Best the yank, hard off of the back of the Chinese pace line, he doesn't see Auaan's IV... man it is tangled between both of them, Auaan went down hard... his teammates are beside themselves trying to untangle him... (b) the East German Audmilsch is down, it looks like a heart attack, they are placing electrical pads on him...this happened at the Tour de Swiss, and he ended up winning... third shocks a charm, he's back on the bike... they will give him a morphine drip then steady slow doses of amphetamines to get him back to speed... pretty standard these days...should not pose a problem (pl) Estovk is down!...looks like he is spent, being an E.. his day is done...what a true sportsman in every sense, too bad he is an E. The Russians are back, but the team doctors are giving them plenty of little helpers...

(ph) another A, the Spanish rider Adzolez is really bad off, green stuff is coming out of his ears... that's got to be a bad reaction...the coaches are kicking him to no avail, yelling venga, venga, venga... Adzolez' day is over...(b) Xene is back, he just took Adzolez' bike!... remember he is the one on he root toddy to keep him alert, it looks good for him now, with only Xavier, Dorn and Best in front, and the peleton not within whiff range of Xavier...(pl) look at the Heli, it's back, a gent is hanging from a rope...yelling "you're out doper!" at Dorn... Dorn keeps on going... they just threw a net spot on... got him...they are pulling Dorn and his bike high in the air...and out of sight into the mountains... that is the first time a tested clean rider has had a positive test all season, mark him BS for Big Sinner, he's out...what a scandal for Dorn the WADA is not going to be kind to him...being that he is an anti-doper poser and all...

(pl) 5 kms to go and it is steep. Best is leading Xavier with Xene the alert one 7 seconds behind....hold it, Xene is taking the steepest part of the switch back into the wind... (b) smart move from a cagy rider to get out of the scent stream of Xavier... (pl) Xene passed Xavier, hold it, he is saying something to Xavier... audio please "hey it's just a bad trip man" "look at the pretty color" "is it fire" ... and Xene just took a red powder packet out of his pocket... and threw it in the air in front of Xavier... (b) Xavier is going crazy... I think he is getting that bad hallucinogenic side effect from his test drug, he turned around!... Xavier just turned around with 2k to go!... and I think he is singing old Beatles hits... man o' man!.. (ph) man that Xene is really alert and riding sharp, he really is focused ... and now he's taken over the lead, who knew!... Best is sweating a lot now, and Xene just poached his water bottle and is drinking it... Best is unconsolable... with 1/2 km to go... it looks like Best will be second best on the day, Xene has taken it...(pl) first win for the Cat X's all year!... (b) what a race (pl) what a gem that's for sure with an X winning a stage for the first time this year and a Cat B placing second, the sun was shining on those two today... (ph)...whatever!

Post race interview with Best's Sportsbooky Team Director, Jimmy Sledgedriver- (ph) that was a great showing by Best, Sportsbooky's best finish by a rider this year. (js) yeah, I think now you are seeing that if we put our resources together, than we can compete with the best of the Chinese, Russian, and East German teams. Those countries really have doping down to a science... We really had some good stuff today, I am really proud of our doc's for coming up with a potent batch... we need to build on it to be competitive day in and out... just look at how Xene and Xavier came out of nowhere with completely inovative chemical enhancers... of course that smelly side effect really did it in for Xavier being used as a human punching bag... but its something that could be tweeked with for sure... (ph) aahh, yeah, um good to hear?!?

Happy 4th ery'one!

Tres Hombres get named -Scallen, McWin and Portimal

2007-07-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

Went up to do the first stage of the Gate City Grinder. So here is a limited report on some narly racing during Stage Uno.

The masters 35+ field was small but cagey. The goal was to loosen up the field with a lot of attacks when the road went skyward. Broke off a couple guys and some others suffered a bit, but always made it back up after the planned digs. So that plan was scraped after a couple of laps. We then decided to do a dual whammy on lap 3, with Scott Allen going hard into the wind, after the short steepish hill, where I kept the pace high. Scallen went, and was able to hold off two splintered groups for about 4 miles while TTing with the wind. I had a great vantage point while tooling in the first chase group, watching everyone in both groups redline it to catch him. I told him "they suffered a lot, do it again on the last lap or forever hold your peace."

Here's where it gets good; on the last lap with 15 miles to go Scallen attacks on the flats, it takes them 5 miles to catch him. Then he attacks 4 miles down the road into the wind at the same point as last time, and once again I have a great vantage point from the chase group. The strong guys are yelling to the punch drunk ones to pull harder "come on we can catch him." To no avail. Scott held off 7 chasers the whole way. He simply had the cajones, willing to risk it all, to take over the race. So after giving appropriate congrat's, I did the proper teammate thing. I went down the street to Uncle Hank's farm and borrowed a wheelbarrow to help Scallen drag those bad boys he's slingin to his car for the next stage. How they didn't slow him down is a mystery that I'm not gonna try to solve.

Ok, all young-un's out there listen carefully on this one, very carefully. There are race smarts and then something much better, referred to as opportunity smarts. John "McWin" Mckone apparently has both. Here is the dealio- McWin and his lovely wife are having their first "little winna" soon. So John decides to race 45+ and then win's the stage (what's new) about 2 hours later. Here's where you "wet behind the ears" ones should pay close attention. No, not "I will race for 2 hours and win." That's good, but this is better. While John crosses the finish line he doesn't point upward with the number one's, or zip up his jersey and point to his sponsor, or beat his chest like a mad baboon, he doesn't do any of that stuff. He mimes holding a baby in a cradle position for the perfect photo-op for Mrs McWin to enjoy for years, AND he was planning on doing the TT stage, only to immediately after drive back home to (Park City- ETA 10:30PM) to be with her. Then re-drive three hours back early Sunday morning to complete stage trois. Way to make a big deposit in the FDIC insured Bank of Spouse, and perform the ultimate Carpe Diem at the GCG.

Up's to Gary Porter, now to be referred to as Portimal, cause the dude is part Porter, and part cycling animal- placed 6th overall in the GC at the Elkhorn Classic last week. Considering that there were some serious climbs, long stages, big competition, and the Portimal was fighting a serious ailment (so much that he couldn't tap the free keg post race) that is one hellava result. Then again, "Gary likes those long stages, since he only really starts getting warmed up at about 60 or 70 miles in."- Quote from Scallen, August 2006

Comment finis, Congrat's to Tete de la Course DH. He has been trying to win that stage for years and got it Saturday.

**Don't forget to place your top 5 TdF GC's (see the last blog) time is running out!

Win a six-pack of Premium Brew (or bev of choice for the AA guys)

2007-06-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

Here is the deal. I have been, am going to be, and then most definately will be way to busy to research the TdeF this year. So here ye, here ye, whoever posts the correct (or most correct) top five places for the final GC of the TdeF wins a six pack brew of choice (or whatever bev. of choice) compliments of the nest.

Here are the rules, pretty simple-

Un (pretty fancy, eh) whoever gets it right wins.

Deux-if that doesn't happen whoever has the most in the top 5 wins (top slots holding most value) wins.

Trois-If there is a tie, whoever submits entry first wins.

Quatre-must be submitted before the start of the prolog.

Cinq- Worst entry (maillot l'orange) gets a pair of my old socks!

Six-Gotta live where I can get to you (nest is located in Salt Lake County) if you are in Idaho for example, brew might be delivered at the next Idaho Road Race I enter. ..

Sept-ONLY ONE ENTREE PER HUMANOID.

Huit-et finis, you must be 21 years old for brew, you can still enter if you're not, but you'll get Tang or Kool-aid or something.

Good luck brethren and brethettes! My bet is on Magnus Bagsted, he lost 44 kilos and climbs like a monkey now.

***IMPORTANT HORNET FLASH-If you write in as anonymous, make sure you write your name with your predictions, if not and you win, then I'm gonna donate it to my bud Pete at Pioneer Park.

Utah's own Ali and weekend action.

2007-06-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Only caught the 3's and pro's for the state Crit championship's but it was worth it. The Task Master (DH) had me hiding in the canyons doing a specialized brew of intervals to maximize the good. Was real happy with the test, thanks for all of your hard work Task-man, your attention to detail is always impressive.

Regarding the State Crit championships the 3's really put on a show. The Canyon Bike Boy's showed up en force and attacked from the start.. fearless leader Mike Pratt has always preached, "race smart and I want to see a lot of work from our team." Well Mike was hurting at the end, and kept on attacking, it's not always about the results, it's about the effort... good job boys and way to walk the talk Captain Mike.

Ali seen in Utah! Not the butterfly, bee man. Ali Goulet, who is just as tough and easily equal the unique character. As in the Sugarhouse Crit, this guy just puts the gas to the pedal and nails it. The front group was very impressive with Armin and Urena among others doing work. Then Ali just rips a vicious attack with 4 to go and almost makes it work. It gets better, post race Ali has a backpack to take his silver home in, and securely attached to the backpack is his extra wheels, and his camcorder and tripod. Set up so he can cool down on the bike to get home! Damn jack-of-all trades can do just about anything on a bike. I think he picked up a couple of pizza's and a liter of coke on the way home...my personal favorite is during training rides when he has the ipod attached to speakers in his jersey pockets blaring Sly and the Family Stone, as he does his best Hamar Zubeldia up Big Mountain. Big ups to you Ali, ery'one's talkin bout that one, good on ya man, real good.

Now to the Pro 1-2's. Simply stated these guys were flyin' at around MACH 10 right from the start. Somebody forgot to tell them it was HOT! A bunch of fast dudes attack until a group of the creme de la creme end up in front. Hardwood, Hoffman, Perry and Barrett. They beat the crap out of each other with P & B sandwich trying to plaster H squared to no avial. The finish was faster and hotter... read about it in Pez Cycling...

More musings-to Clint Carter way to lay it down today, and thanks for the T-Mac bracelet it means a lot to a lot of people, read more about it at Clint's Garage website and the Sly Fox Den both found in the nest. Finally to Bad MF, I really appreciate your insight and help, I look forward to giving the special potion a try, and am sure that I will be raving about it in the nest. Thanks man, it means a lot! And most finally to Guru Hanseen, you work hard to make everyone else better and are inately sincere about it. Well, there were a lot of people in the cheap seats that were pretty pumped that you were a podium dweller, karma strikes back!

Calling all you MS and Elkhorn Classic riders!

2007-06-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

Just made my first donation for the MS ride this weekend, to a gal that works pretty diligently all the time just doing the family thing, but can bust a move on the aluminum Kona, and especially hard when the road tips up...Finally, she then will kick your ... in the gym immediately after. Most importantly she really enjoy's the ride that holds a lot of personal meaning in her life. Anyway check out the website it looks like a lot of fun, on and off the bike. These guys are going to be working overtime in 100 plus degree weather. So don't forget to drink vast quantities of your favourite coloured beverages, and keep it smooth and steady. It's very obvious they made scads of denero's for the cause, good job to all.

To my Mazda bud's and Mckone (spelled it right bra!) traveling up to the Elkhorn Classic Stage Race this weekend, lay down the law! For those of you not familiar with the race, it has really long and hard climbs on multiple stages, sounds like a good prescription for success for you guys.

For me, I'm gonna get the stinger out really early on Saturday and Sunday for a little bit of time in various canyons. Saturday, front side of South Mountain, then American Fork and back up the Mexican side of the Col de Sud (so I'm sure I'll see tuRBo representin' in the U.C. 'hood). Then Sunday, Little, followed by Mill a couple of times to keep outta da soleil. Get out early so you don't burn off the antennae in the sun. Anyway if you want to hook up, let me know, if not the Canyon Bike Boy's will be riding this weekend out of Canyon Bicycles in Draper, they usually leave at 9am both days, but that could change with the Nigerian like weather we have. It's definately worth it to go with the C.B.B.'s, and when else can you ride with the "Claw" up close and personal without paying. The shop's phone number is 576-8844 to inquire.

Cheers,

Hornet.

Derailleur, Shmerilluer, who needs a rear one!

2007-06-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

If you missed the high Unitas, don't next year. Here are a few of the things you may have missed that were pretty rad.

To all familiar with the Evanston downtown crit, it was the same tried and true course going up the steep divided hill, then cornering fast three times before the finish area totaling 1.3 miles for the circuit. There was a nasty wind in the home stretch and up the hill making it hard.

It wasn't hard enough for Bryson Perry. He kinda felt like, what the hell, lets make it even harder- so he broke his rear derailleur. Rendering him only his 34 X 11 and 52 x 11. So what does the man wearing white do? He tells Sandy, hey Sandros get to the front, control the pace and let me go, "cause I can't do this stop and go stuff, I only have two $#%^&*! gears man. Sandy says "horray for beer, no prob, can do." So Bryson goes, and goes and goes, it was really bizarre watching him hold off the group while going really fast into the wind turning this moster der Kaiser TT gear, head and body corked into the wind. He did this from about lap 2 or 3 for the next 15. The "Red Demon," Ben D'Hulst makes a valliant effort to bridge for several laps mimicking Bryson's technique only to come a bit short. Then Louder and Swindlehurst go nuts, catch Bryson with about 2 or 3 to go,and even after the huge effort with the single speed two-ringer, Bryson is right in the sprint out. HOLY COW that was amazing. Bryson hope you ate a lot of pizza bra, because you certainly earned it. You get your name in the Hornet Hall of Fame for that one. Great job!

Hardman- Hardman had AJ working his tail off to set him up- keeping the pace high. So what does DH do, he comes around the corner in first postion with the strong men on his wheels going into the heafty wind waiting to counter, only the task master creates a gap and gets 4th. That was sheer determination, that he simply wasn't gonna let anyone past. Donna gave him a big dad day hug for that one. Way to go!

Several dudes really wanted the TT. We had the "crazy goods" there in Louder, the only sub 20 min. into a heavy wind, and Swindlehurst who lit it up. Then the local bad boys Sandy, Norm etc. who were pretty close. Then we had a couple of old guys from Canyon that wanted to let everyone know, "hey don't put us in pine box 8ft deep yet man!"

Let's talk about Stormin, saw him after my last of 12 nature breaks at the porta's (Hornet likes coffee and Red Bull before the TT to get a buzz on (pun intended). So anyway Norm just starts WWF'ing me, he was so pumped. The little guy looked like the punisher, almost dislodged my stinger. Anyway it was awesome to see. He then lit it up and moved from 14th to 4th overall going into the crit. Outstanding Norm!

Here is where Claw comes in. Claw was sitting well going in on the GC, but had a couple of things happen the day before. So he decides that this was going to be his race. No drafting, no attacks just sheer watts to the pedals. He gets up, puts the serious mask on his face, focuses like he is doing some seriously dangerous atom splitting, does his secret weapon warm up, then lays it down for the 45+ win. It's one thing to say it, its another to do it.

Finally Dr Jon G. shows up for the 35+ fest. He has had some time constraint issues with road race training yet has scored two top 5 this year with some serious competition. His gig is the TT. He has the Power Cranks the Velotron, the Velotron with the Power Cranks, he has the O2 tent and probably has a wind tunnel (if not, he will soon). Ok maybe I exaggerated a bit. Anyway, we had lot's of TT guys- let's see anyone know M.S. (Mark Schaeffer)? How 'bout Louie Amelburu (two national TT champs), Scott Allen, Gary Porter, Zan Treasure (another national champ), John Mckone (probably a national champ, if not he should just go back this year, the way he is riding) Kris Henthorn, and a bunch of out of staters from Boston, Arkansas, Wyoming, Nevada, New Mexico) you get the picture. Dr Jon wastes eryone of 'em for the win and in impression fashion, I know I got to see him from behind.

So next year, show up, race and who know's you might lay down the law!

Spencer had to be Sherlock with the Tarmac

2007-06-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I got to spend 2.5 hours at Canyon Bicycles in Draper last night as Sherlock and MacGyver (Dave) had to do some serious Freudian analysis on my carbon stallion. Fortunately, the bicycle whisperer's are pretty sharp and patient, or I could have had some serious problems on the climb/descent this weekend. See if you savvy racehards can figure this caper out-

After replacing a worn out chain I-

Did climbing intervals up Little Cottonwood with high and low revs (loading the drive train on the low ones). No problems with shifting between the 17 to 23 in the 39.

After a fast and bumpy descent that shook my dentures out and my toupe off, I hit the flats and shifted from the 53 to the 39 in my 15. I went two revs (with the chain on the the little ring) and my cog set didn't engage, therefore spinning uselessly without moving me forward, I shifted twice up to the 17 and the cogset engaged. This happened again a mile down the road when I went from a higher load to an easier load. I stopped, got of my bike, and the chain was inplace on the cogset and little ring. Got back on, and no problems for the next 25 minutes of steady riding in an easy gear.

Went to the shop where they first adjusted the rear derailleur again, I spun in he parking lot and under load, it did the same spin thing without engaging the cogset and it wasn't catching a cog or two sometimes when shifting. So we replaced the cogset and readjusted. Under load in the parking lot, the same thing happened again. So we thought ok free hub, replaced that, and it got worse under load.

This is when the aaha occured, and the bulb's really went off for Sherlock and MacGyver, 'cause I was stumped. Can you figure this out? They did. One more hint. I ride a 2007 Specialized Tarmac SL factory spec'ed. Big ups to the guys at Canyon they really know the figizzle.

-Good luck with this, I know someone will get it

Hornet.

Hornet found some honey this morning.

2007-06-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

Simple, fine, and sweet- let me 'splain it...

Lord of Intervals had me doing short, hard and repetitive climbing intervals last night. Soooooo, this morning I was ready for the recovery commute ride to work, and it was perfect.

The dish-

Cold enough to be slightly chilled to start, but not produce sweat (I think my kit became cleaner during the ride, go figure?)
Slow enough to spin effortlessly.
Sweet enough, with clear blue skies, zero wind and empty streets. (Yeah, in June when school is out, commuting can be the total 'nads).
Found two brand new 10 speed dura-ace cogsets boxed on the road.
Passed the Utah Jazz dancers on their morning run, and one offered to take me out for breakfast after she washed and lubed... my bike.

Ok, I made the last two up...

Today was that day. Just simple, fine and sweeeeeet!

She Should have had the rat knock her scorching hot coffee on her!

2007-06-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

McDonald's to pay student $290 for rat bite
Mon Jun 11, 8:47 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - The world's largest restaurant chain, McDonald's Corp., has been ordered to pay a student some 2,200 yuan ($290) after a rat bit her at one of its outlets in northeastern China, media reported on Sunday.

A local court in Shenyang city in Liaoning province ordered the payment -- covering costs that included $130 for psychological injury -- for the incident last year, the China Merchant Morning Post said. In the states $130 would have covered a shrink for an hour. In my experience it takes at least 300 hrs of extensive counseling for this type of psychological terror- the ghost of the late Johnnie C.

The woman, whose name was not disclosed, said a rat had climbed up her leg and bit her on the thigh while she was eating a meal at the restaurant. The woman had sought 20,000 yuan (about $2,600) in compensation. She said the incident caused her to become frightened by white mice and rabbits. Ok she gets the $130 deducted for this lame statement, in fact she owes Mickey D's a couple of Hamiltons- Judge Judie

McDonald's rejected other demands raised by the student, including follow-up medical charges and other fees, saying she lacked proof. Bullies! That's it! Give her back at least a fifty for being meanies- J. Buttafucco.

The court ruled that McDonald's was responsible for maintaining proper hygiene at its restaurants, in line with relevant hygiene standards of China, and should compensate the woman for failing to protect customer safety. Aka- keep all rodents behind the pay counter from now in an Empire local, or pay the really, really steep fine of $290 US dollars -that'll show 'em. Who was the lame attorney representing this poor kid. We need our resident legal analyst to chime in on this one, J.I.

If this guy is going for the sprint out, get out of the way!

2007-06-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

Here is one that our reporter extrodinaire M.S. found.

Unbelievable!! Man, what guts this guy has!!! MASTERCARD WEDDING You've got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at ClemsonUniversity. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new Father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "%$^&!" Then he turned to his bride and said, "%$^&!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over$32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of churchbells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless"commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion:$3,000 deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui:$8,500. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man:Priceless There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!

Comment from the Hornet... he turned to crowd and said "I'm outta here." That's legendary like Eastwood's "well do ya feel lucky punk" or Arnold Schwarzenegger's "hasta la vista baby." In fact, he could have used both of these quips in his final remarks to his best man and wife...er ex-wife.

Sugar House Crit

2007-06-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

There is racing and then there is something more. Here is the more.

Lets start with big kudo's to some savvy, talented master's riders who are not only tuff, but exude a lot of class. Don Armstrong (Mazda) and Mark Skarpohl (Cole Sport). This is going to be the loudest of all buzzes from the Hornet regarding any race at the S-House. Here is how I understand it (please note that Hornets aren't known for scoring high on the SAT's).

Armstrong goes with Skarpohl on an attack off of the front of the pack. Skarpohl has a couple of teammates and Armstrong has an "Armada of Orange" in the main pack. So, Armstrong tells Skarpohl right off the bat, "you are going to pull and I won't contest first if you make it." Skarpohl digs it and says "Horray for Beer". They tool around (fast) for several laps to the end.

Here is when it gets pretty damn cool. Armstrong sits up at the last hill before the finish, true to his word. Skarpohl then sits up too and says "come on"- this guy is a gamer! He implores Armstrong to sprint while almost coming to a stop. Armstrong won't have anything of it, and obviously would rather have the field run him down and lose second, than reneg on a deal-(D.A. was all poker face and not about to look back to the dudes breathing down his back for his rightful second) - A true show of sportsmanship from both gentleman.

Big, big up's to both these dudes. That's what I'm talkin 'bout!

Awe-ight, more good stuff. The 1-2's put on a show. It was really broken up. J.L. was off the front pulling with some heavy hitters on his wheel. J.L. basically put 5-10 seconds on the 2 chasers every lap who were (strong men Sandros and Bryson) which has gotta be pretty hard to do. Norm TTed off of the main pack for 45 minutes in deep space 9 and held 'em off the entire way for 16th (that was yomen work from the kid who gained a lot of respect from the spec's) . More... Curly went nuts pulling off, then pulling the main group then pulling off again to hold off the group at the line- pretty cool.

Lastly, just a comment- Mr. Barrett is so wicked low on his bike he can lick the ground, and he is like 8 foot 10. He receives the honorary Arrow Award. To put a bit of perspective to this-I'm about 1 foot 9 on a 28cm bike and my hands are up near his eyeballs... in my drops!

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere).

2007-06-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

Flying around the web recently I found this post. In an effort to educate my fellow cyclista's, here are some def's to keep you def.

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to! stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

The Hornet

The Ballistic Hornet is in the House!

2007-06-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

Bzzzzzz!